I hardly slept last nite, tink I oni slept 2-3hrs. My mind was blank, I just couldn't fall asleep.. Mayb tis situation will last quite some time, mayb it will follow me forever...

I heard him cried mani times on phone, I wanted to tell him so much not to cry, it's heartpain for me to hear him behaving tis way but.. I noe I cannot cry in front of him, I noe it will make him feel worse.

"Why does the sun go on shinning? Why does my heart go on beating? Dun they noe it's the end of the world, it ended when he say goodbye." A song I learnt frm my sec school, I loved tis song though I cant rmb the lyrics anymore. Suit me arh?

My heart feel so pain, I duno y.. I wanted to stay by his side so much but I noe it's not possible. I can't be so selfish, oni tink of my own happiness n forsake their future. How I wish there is miracle, how I wish someone will tell me a solution.. How I wish..

YaYa

The Truth

It's raining very heavily outside, just like my heart. I had broke up wif him...

I am tired, really tired.. No matter how much I love him, I rather choose to give up tis relationship than carry on. I remember a quote from a blogskin I saw last week or so; "In love and lonely". It's like I'm in a relationship wif someone and yet I felt alone at all times.

Many times I really dun understand why am I the only one doing everything; am I the only one in this relationship? My heart can no longer takes it, my tears are beyond my control.

He told me there is no way I can stay in msia, he mentioned tons of reasons which my heart already can't hear it. He's correct; we can't be together at all. There is no future between us; only dreams. I'm a singaporean while he's a msian.. Even he came sg, he will nid to go back to his country one day. Wad do I do then? I don't know, take it as dream or blame myself for being naive? I dun wan to wait for tat day to come...

From the start,I should have realised it but being in love have blind me.

I should have just kept my heart closed, I shouldn't allow another person to get into my life and hurt me again. No one can be trusted, I will never ever allow another person to get close to me. This is more than enough for me to bear..

YaYa

Busy Day

Tis morning woke up ard 8.15am to bring Joel to primary school for a reading evaluation, not mani people there. Feel so weird there, like a totally stranger and I m not sure how should I behave or react. Guess I nid to learn it asap.. >.<

Haze was bad when I went out, everything look so "white". Just as I expected, the PSI till 10am was more tan 100.. When can I hav my fresh air back??? T.T
I feel I m falling sick soon as I started to feel a little sore throad despite of drinking lots of water. *Trying to point my finger at the horrible haze and cursing it to make me falling sick.*

My hands itchy, went to create a "Quitting Aquila Sales"... Made myself and my dear so busy for the whole day.. I was tinking there is no point keeping all the meso & items in aquila anymore since I had never even touch them for 6 months. I know it will take sometime but I didn't expect it to take whole afternoon & nite! Now then I realise I got so much items that require more tan 6 chars to filled up. -_-ll

I missed my hedgehog... Tink will spend my weekend on her to make up the time I neglected her. Got to attend to my thread again.. Free me from hell soon..

YaYa

I m Useless, but i decided to protect u..

Jz now, i said something vr hurtful to my dear. I dunno why i said that, but i really didnt mean it. Coz i too useless? I feel i cannot protect my dear, cannot give her a good future compare to others. My dear has vr bad past. i dun wan she being hurt again, i wan her to live in happiness n smile everyday. Me as a student, even after graduate, i also jz a fresh graduate, will I be able to let my dear live happily? Since long ago I had been thinking about this question.. until yesterday, my dear told me something, she is tired to settle things alone, she wan marry someone that will do everything for her. At that moment, my mind stop thinking coz i am sad and hurt. Coz i worry i cannot give my dear all tis....

Coz i love my dear, i want to let her happy. 1 person sad is always better than 2 people sad, this stupid idea suddenly came out from my mind n i told my dear..
Until now, i stil not able to sleep... i keep worrying my dear, keep missing my dear.

Dear, i got something to tel u..

Dear, i wrong le.. pls forgive me hao ma.? Pls give me 1 more chance, hao ma.? I will study hard n work hard, i m no longer worry about future le. Because,
I m useless, but i will try my best, to protect u, to give u a good family...


hoping dear back to me de chongyu

Should I or Should I Not?

Since yesterday, he has been asking me to return to his side. I feel very confused, to agree or not to agree? I admit I am a easily persuade person so everytime I had to avoid face-to-face conversation. This is to prevent myself from being soft-hearted..

What should I do? I been asking myself this question countless times but yet I couldn't get an answer at all. Why? Is the answer so hard to be figure out?

Sometimes I really envy the kids, they had no problems to think of. Everyday they are laughing and smiling, if only I can do the same.

Will I be able to sleep tonight? I don't know... Perhaps I nid to figure out wad I wan before I can have a good night's sleep. >.<

Finally I realised that "uncle" is from malaysia, all along I thought he was singaporean. But now thinking back, it might be my careless for not noticing it. But I dun really care where he is from as long as my mum is happy. Wish all the best to them!

YaYa

The Reality

I cried again last nite... I chose to give up the plan dear told me 2 days ago.. Perhaps I should solve my problem myself, and not dragging someone else in as well.

I was over the moon when dear had suggested it but I noe it was very selfish of me to do so. And also, I do not want to tied him wif a piece of paper. He's still young, he may meet someone who is more suitable for him but if he had married me to help me stay in msia, he will be tied by the marriage certifcate. More ever, he still nid to settle his debts.. Wif us ard, it will b much more harder for him as we will become his burden. I can't do that, I can't... My heart don't allow me to do it..

Dreams shall always remain as dreams.. Bringing it to reality will only hurt people.. No matter how hard it is, I will still get over. I hope u too... =)

YaYa

Yesterday, my dear being scold by her mum again. I know dear is sad n scare yesterday, I really hope that I can run to sg n hug her, protect her. So I was waiting, waiting for the time when dear is coming msia...
Again n again, i not sleep well yesterday. my project is going to pass up and testing on tis saturday. I stil rushing for it. Luckily, my dear is always with me, she always support me...
We have planned yesterday we will stay at KL after i graduate. I m waiting, waiting for me to pass this project, and finish my study... then, i can stay wif dear le..

Chongyu

Life Of Sadness

Haiz... Got scolding from my mum just b4 i slpt last nite. Wonder wad tiggered her anger? Perhaps is b coz Joel refused to sleep and been playing ard. -_-

Sometimes I was tinking, if she wan to say something, why can't she said it to me as normal instead of shouting and scolding? Is it by doing this method, the msg will get thru better? Or perhaps she is just venting her anger like my dear said? He said people who worked at the stove are more bad-tempered b coz of the heat. When they can't tolerated it, they will nid to vent out the anger. Mayb he was rite, mayb...

I dun wan to tink so much, the feeling is not good when u r being reminded of it. I wanted to run away as far as i can, I hated those feeling. Those feeling make one so miserable, is like u r a burden to this world. I guess my mum hates me, even by not talking, I will still get scoldings.

Dear had suggested to me that he working in KL instead of sg after he graduate since I dun wan to stay here. He wan me to b happy, he dun wan to see me sad. Then all of us shall moving to KL as well...

I trust him.. I trust him that he would fulfill his promises to me, I trust that he won't lie to me. Dear, I love you..

YaYa

Results Day

Finally my siggy/userbar contest ended, it was so hard to make a decision. I am so blur, almost forgot to choose the winners. Lucky dear remembered, and did most of the decisions for me. He even reminded me to submit results when I had totally forgotten abt it. Thks dear, u r the best! =)

One of the winners is so anxious to get the prizes, keep leaving msgs in my thread. She gave me a feeling as if I am going to cheat her. Nowadays is hard to guess people's thoughts. =(

Haze is still remain as bad, PSI more tan 100 for the day. Just now on my way home, I heard from the news there r still more tan 100 hotspots in Sumatra. OMG... -_-

Dear dear 2dae hardly tok to me, he was busy rushing his project. *sob sob*

I'm glad that I had something on hand to keep me busy as well, that is to do our blog. It took me 2 days to figure out how to do amendments and edit in the designed template. I am such a slow poke.. x(

Yeah, finally dear is free to accompany me. We are going maple liao... =D

YaYa

My Nightmare Again~~

Recently, my nightmare came again. I faced this nightmare before, 1 year ago. Now , it came to me again, Final Year Project. Dear, during coding time, i may not have much time to accompany you, i have to rush for it, for me, for u, and for us. I know this will make u feel lonely, feel sian. But so am i, i also very miss u when i m doing my project, i wish to accom u, wish to maple with you. Anyway, i just want to tell u, you are alway inside my heart, I Miss You, I Love You... Muacks..

Chongyu

Living Hell

2dae I was caught by surprise when I went out to buy bread. Y the haze is gettin frm bad to worse de?! PSI till 7pm was 128... When can I see clearer sg and breathe in fresher air? Surrounding here looked very alike in Genting except for the air and smell. x(

So stressed now, stupid me went to create a contest thread and nw unable to decide which 1 to win. There r so mani siggys and userbars I like, I just can't make up my mind. -_-
Which one should i choose? Follow my heart, let my heart decide for me.

SO sad.. I got neglected...Mei ren yao wo le, zhen ke lian. *Sob sob*

Haiz, tink my hedgehog is the best ler. She is always there for me, whether rain or shine; day or nite.

sad sad de YaYa

My First Time..

Haha...

This is my first time using blog, still not a bad experience. I tink i must b outdated ler, dun even noe such a popular site. =(

2dae had been in daze, i had no idea how i spent my day. Perhaps crying since I had quarrel wif my laogong last nite. He was so fierce, keeping shouting at me and made me cry. *baddie* He scared me quite a few times actually, making me dun dare to talk wif him. Dun u dare to shout so loud at me again, u r scaring me!! =((

And hor, dear, dun hurt urself again. How's ur hands now? R they still pain? Serve u rite for hitting the wall..

Sian ar, 3 days passed and i havent level my char yet.. :~( When will i get to level 50? Laogong, u must help me hor! =p

So tired... Last nite nv slp well, now wan go zzz ler. Sweet dreams laogong and lastly, MUACKS!!!

YaYa