LaLaLaLa

Been busy ever since I started working, coz I nid to maple and work at the same time. Haha...

First job that I had stayed for 2 months, hopefully I can stay at this job till I am done. Going to study next week or so, starting on 7th Jan. Finally I can fulfill my job of studying, was hoping to go for a long time. I chose to study my accounting again, mostly is because of the good pay and easy to find job, secondly is I hope to be able to get employed till I retired. Now being a single parent, I have to think for myself and my kids. After going through my previous marriage, I realise that I cannot depend on anyone, especially men. I want to support myself financially, I do not want to depend on any men again. MEN CANNOT BE TRUST!

During my first day of work, there was another new girl came into the company with me. Felt kinda of happy with someone new like me and even came in the same day as me. However, she quitted the job less than 2 months after we started there. She couldn't tolerate the seniors there and the way of getting work done there. She face more obstacles than me since she was sitting right where all the ladies are while I am sitting alone in the library. Obviously I do not need to face any "black" faces or "I am more senior than you so you have to respect me" faces. Though I didn't talk much with her but still feel kinda of sad that she left so soon. I thought we could be good friends as time passes. Haiz..

Did anyone of you celebrate xmas this year? I didn't, was sick... So sad... Anyway I didn't manage to order my log cake in time too. Urghhh... But never mind, since I ate it a week before xmas. ^^ Anyway, Merry Xmas to my friends! Hope all of you had fun this year!!

YaYa

Hate the weather!!!

Had not been feeling well since last week. Weather kip changing every now and then. Sunny one moment and raining the next moment.

My ger got fever on friday, she was complaining more and showing discomfort early in the morning. Somehow I felt she is not feeling very well and decided to stay @ home with her. And I was right, she started to feel feverish an hour later. So I brought her to the polyclinic. Haiz... Waited for 2 hrs outside the consultation room before my turn. By the time she got to see the doc, her fever shot up to 39.8 degree. Lucky she got better the next day. =)

However, my turn to fall sick on sunday afternoon. Walk around the neighbourhood like a clown to find a clinic that is opened. And guess what?! The one and only clinic that open daily is just near my house and yet I walked to MRT to find it. Zzz...

Dear fall sick ytd, fever too. I wonder if fever do spread among family or not since every one of us get fever one after another. I know by common sense it don't and won't but after seeing the 3 of us falling sick, I started to doubt my own knowledge. =p

Today kinda of boring at work. There wasn't anything for me to do for the whole morning. I took my own sweet time to finish reading the newspaper and sat there staring at my pc. I actually started to day dream and falling asleep and almost had my head drop onto the desk. Haha~

Decided to go walk around during lunch time to ease my boredom. Met dear and went Isetan to get presents for enen and caiyong. Not sure if they like it or not (hope they do). Dear refuse to let me make the payment, he insist of paying for it. Zzz... He think he is very rich ar, everything also wan to snatch and pay.

I want to go maple le. Oh yah, I have deleted my Babywawa and create it at cass. Missed the ign and decided to bring her over.

Take care all my dear friends, hope you won't fall sick like me.

YaYa

Itchy Itchy Itchy!!!

This past week I had been biten by unknown insect. At first i thought there is mosquito in my house so I put those mosquito coil and adaptor at my room but duno why the situation didn get better but worse. Today I bought my Mopiko to work, I cannot stand the itch anymore. I only realise then it was from my office. Zzzzzzzz....

 

Something is biting me in office but not sure what was that, my supervisor will ask for insect spray tomorrow and spray in the office. Now I look so kelian, wif 7 bites on hands and legs. T.T

 

Hope things will get better tomorrow bah. *Sad*

 

YaYa

Tired Week

It has been a very long time since I last visit my blog. Was busy with house moving, settling down & finding a job.

 

Finally my flat was sold and lucky I got a rented flat just 5 days before my official date to hand my keys to the new owner. Didn manage to wait for the selection of flat letter to arrive, I got my flat in the walk-in selection. Though not really a place that I wanted, but I guess is still ok as long as I do not need to move so many times.

 

Found a childcare for enen and sad to say that I couldnt get a schoolbus for ah b so in the end I taught him to travel to and forth himself. I wanted to find a job, was getting very bored to stay at home doing nth but maple daily. Cant waste my life that way... And I wanted to save more money for the future, things are more and more expensive. I need to think of their education in future too.

 

Wanted to get a job but was lazy to go interviews. I just simply hate interviews, always asking me to describe myself. I hated such topic since I was in secondary school, I never chose such topic to answer anyway. And I dun really like to talk much in front of strangers, had been very quiet during the interview. Haiz... I really cant find anything to ask or talk wif them at all... Keep forcing me to ask them qns...

 

After that, been searching for job quite infrequently coz getting to be fussy. I wanted to get a job without doing OT, wanted a 5-days work and wanted a place near my house. Those that I feel far or inconvenient, I just skipped it. Wad's the point of going to interview when it dun even get to my expectation. I hope to get a job to work for a few years, at least till I finish my studies. Don't want to find another job in near future, don't have that feeling to do so.

 

Recently found a job in Orchard Rd, quite a big company and near my house too. ^^ That is a architect company, heard from the senior there that it was one of the biggest company in singapore. Started my work there since 1st nov, people there are pleasant and friendly too. At least I havent met nasty people yet and I hope I wont get the chance to meet one too.

 

I will be working alone at my desk starting on Mon as my senior is required to go up to assist the rest of the colleagues there. Haiz... Till now I still didn manage to remember most of them. Think I have a hard time finding the architect for quite some time...

 

Still mapling but not as much as in the past. Now I have stop playing my dit and concentrate on my priest, missed her so much. Tired... hope to write more frequent here.

 

YaYa

Things back to normal, at least by looking at the surface..

None of us mentioned about that incident anymore, perhaps is just too pain to say it out. Occasionally I will still throw temper and cried asking for breakup, I nid to be alone. Living alone somehow make me feel better, i duno why either.

Watched transformer yesterday, not a bad movie. Was kinda of surprise to see the place was almost full, i thought there wont b so mani people watching since it was up for quite some time. The graphics are awesome, though quite a numbers of friends including him find the last part quite confusing. They couldn figure out who is the bad & good guys, wahahaha~ I figure it out looking at the colour on them and I could recognise 1 or 2.

Was tired when get home after the show but I still managed to get myself to log into maple, had an appt wif my jr ldr. We are in charge for aug guild event, we nid to discuss the details. But he pop a qns to me which I couldn answer. He asked me to be his maple gf... He knew abt me in real life. Actually those who asked me in guild, I had honestly told them abt my background, dun feel the need to hide it. I just couldn figure it why he would asked me instead of the gers in guild. I had oni rejoin back this guild recently. Less than a wk... I had only met him few days ago. Haha... Maybe he had been rejected by all the gers in maple liao. I feel that wadever ans I gave him, it will make us feel uneasy in maple. Because he had already hint those active in guild.... What shld I do? =.=

Eyes pain, nid go rest liao. Hope I will feel better later.. T_T

YaYa

I'm been in daze for the past few days, I couldnt eat nor sleep. My tears couldnt stop flowing out from my eyes too. I didnt want to see anyone or talk to anyone, I had my hp switched off.

I have been dreaming of my baby for the past couple of days. Dreams can be so wonderful and sweet yet it really hurt one when you come back to reality.

I kip forcing myself to maple from morning till late night so that my heart wont feel anything. I always comfort my friends that time will heal everything, but will time heal me this time? I feel so guilty, I feel I'm the one who indirectly killed my own baby. I hated myself, I hated myself so much that I want to torture myself to death.

I no longer able to talk with him either. I just locked myself up, I don't want to be reminded of anything. I know I am being very unfair to him but I really unable to face anyone. I wanted a breakup, I do not want to get involved with anyone.

I hate life and being living on to suffer...

YaYa

Sad Sad Week

6th July 07 was one of my saddest day in my life. I was bleeding again that nite without a reason and tinking I had to wait for ultrascan till August, I decided to make a trip to A&E that nite. Perhaps I shouldn had gone at all, I regret going there... The doc on duty did a scan and found out that the baby did not hav any heartbeat, in another words, I hav a miscarriage. Asking me wad I wan to do is useless since the oni choice I hav is to hav an abortion. Unlike normal abortion, people oni do washing the baby out, I hav to actually give birth to it before I can do the washing as the baby is too big claimed by the doc.

I was admitted that very nite, I couldn sleep as I expected. Alot of things kip running thru my mind... I was tinking would things changed if I never made the decision to come to the hospital, would the baby still alive if I never gone there? I didnt want him to feel guilty or worried abt me, I didnt shred a tear in front of anyone.. I just pretend nth had happened but deep inside me, I really feel very terrible.

I kip telling myself perhaps it will be better if the baby never come to this world. I know very clearly that he didnt really wan this baby, I know he agreed just because I couldnt bear to abort it. I oso knew it very clearly that his family will never agree towards our relationship. But I never wanted everything, all i wan is safety for my baby. I didnt even hope to be with him in future, I even plan to give up on this relationship. Why must things ended this way? Am I asking too much? Am I too greedy? I dont know, I really hav no answer..

The baby came out ard 2 plus in the morning on 9th July 07, I dont hav the courage to take a last look at it. I even refused to take pain killer when the labour pain came earlier, perhaps I wan myself to face the fact. I kept bleeding profusely, the sanitary pad was soaked in blood every 15mins and overflood. I didn really care if I was going to die at that moment, I wished I did at some point. I came home that evening I had my operation, I didn wan to stay another nite there. I didn wan to be remind of the incident.

After coming home, I didn talk much with him abt the incident. I just pretend nth had happened. I am afraid I would cry in front of him, I didn want him to know it actually affected me badly.

I wish... I wish... I wish time would just roll back for once...

YaYa

Tired, tired, tired...

Just change my blog design, nice mah? I tink is cute... Like this song alot though is 10 years ago song, guess most of you might not even heard this song before. ;p

Has been sleeping very late for the past whole week, not because I was too engrossed in mapling but I was trying to get myself occupied to wait for him to get home. He's very busy for the whole, coming home ard midnight. Poor thing, he hasnt get enough sleep at all. T_T

Hate going out nowadays, I couldnt even go shopping for 5mins. Whenever I get to crowded places, I will start to get dizzy & feel nauseous. I nid to squat down like every min! So sian, must cope myself at home. At least now I am able to walk around the neighbourhood & take buses, is better than nth.

I wonder how much weight will I gain this mth, been eating supper almost daily & light snack in-between meals. Been trying hard to control myself, I am afraid to gain too much now in case I cant shred it off later on. Haha...

YaYa

First Post after months

It has been months since I came here... I moved back to my own hse so I can sell it more conveniently. And another reason is because he came sg to work and couldn't bear to let him stay alone in my hse.

Yes, I'm still not working... Can't work anyway, is that idiot's fault!!! Guess why? Haha...

Well, a little life will arrive to this world during xmas' eve. Tis time I insist of keeping it, I do not want to have anymore regret in future. No intention of getting married though... I don't wan to get married for the sake of getting married. Maybe in future but definitely not now.

I am so bad... I told him I let baby follow my surname.. Hahaha... I just like to see that reaction on his face.. Hmm... It might just happen that way if YOU didn't treat me well, get that? ;p

YaYa

Sad

Yesterday was a day i had been waiting for years to come. I thought i would happy.. But i wasn't when tis day actually arrived.

During my journey to the court, memories kept fillin me up. Many times i had to control my tears from falling down. Why do i still feel sad? Shouldn't i feel delight that i got my freedomback? I wanted to cry out but i know i can't.

All i ask is a family whether rich or poor, why couldn't he do that? Is that too much to ask for?

My life is full of sadness. Even there's happiness, they r just dreams. =) I thought of my childhood, my school life, my marriage & my father's death.

I have finally realise that i had no trust in love or anyone. I really do not want to go through all these again. I thought i had get over but little did i know, i haven't. I simply cast them aside, somewhere in my heart, thinking they will just leave me alone. They dun.. They will b hauting me every now & then then.

Once again, i hav chosen to leave him again. Like he said, i'm already 28 & hav 2 kids.. Bur i wasn't listenin at all. yah.. I'm already 28 wif 2 kids whereas he's only 23. He is young, too young to stay with an old lady like me. We are not suitable for each other, i know it very well that i can only be part of his memories.Thks Tony, thks for loving me.. I'm happy that you've been in my life for a period of time. That's enough ler, thks.

YaYa

Nightmare...

Today I had learnt something new, how to open a locked door without key n locksmith. >.<

Fine, I wasnt the one who created this mess, it was Joel who has itchy hands to take the keys on his own & put the keys inside b4 he actually locked the door.

It was a total nightmare... I had no experience in doing such task before & i was alone at home too. Scared me to death!!! I hopeless finding ways to open that freaking door, calling everyone whom i tink can help me.

End up i sat there crying n finally someone told me use a hammer to hit on the key portion. After trying mani times, the door finally open itself... T.T

I never allow them to touch the keys again!!!

YaYa

My 10 days~

As usual, I had been mapling for the past few days but not wif my cleric ger but my dit... His exams r coming soon so he nid to study n i didn really want him to chase after my level later on so I just put my cleric on hold.

Currently my dit is level 40 ler, slowing down liao. I duno y, i kip falling asleep mani times while mapling. I just couldn concentrate & kip on yawning wif my eyelids shutting itself. -_-ll

Got to noe a new fren, froggie, in kerning pq.. He was so kelian thru out that 5hrs pqing... The leader (call him bhr) kept begging him to lend steely & tobi but obviously he refused. But to my surprise, bhr was so patient to kip asking for 5hrs until froggie couldn stand him & he decided to totally ignore his request while I was there laughing non-stop. After partying him for a few days then i realised he oni had 2 stars, steely & tobi.. =.= Froggie, go hunt more stars lar.. U noe is very ma fan to kip on repoting de mah?

I swear i will not ever get into ludi pq again. It's a torture, not a leisure at all!! I went in twice, both times made me almost vomited blood. After leaving the pq, I realised my lifespan has been shortened for at least 10 years.

The first time I went in, a few of them kip fooling ard.. Keeping the tickets in their inventory, letting us kip asking ard who has the tickets. & one of them kip shouting for haste when we hav not even add sp to it, why couldn he use speed pots instead. I couldn bother wif him oso..

The 2nd time got a sin kip on running all over the chns, claiming he is trying to search for chn when we already had track for that particular chn. In the end, me n froggie couldn stand him n kick him out. In that pq, most of them hardly do anything... Then me n froggie had decided we r not going in after this pq. However, b4 we could finish it, an idiot left the party & made the rest of us being threw out of the pq. If u do not wan to continue, u can jolly well click logout or click that npc to get out. I guess she did it on purpose... But oh well, she save me from that horrible place anyway.

Joined a guild earlier on but quitted after 2 days... Well, the guild members r noisy but is among themselves since they r frens in the first place. I guess they added people in just for the sake of adding. They dun chat wif u, they dun ans ur qns & u r there b coz of u r there. -.- That is so lame... N the worst thing is 2 of them speak in twit language!!! OMG!!! It doesnt make them look cute but it make the sentence so hard to read...

Seriously i nid more frens in my buddy list, to kip me accompany... but some of them just dun talk even u asked them qns... Too buzy wif level or they do not noe hw to reply? Anyone can teach me hw to get more frens? T.T

As usual, quarrelling wif dear every few days... Haha~ I guess he already got used to my temper ler, m i rite abt that? Another 2 more mths & it will b our 1st year anniversary.. I didn expect time to pass away so fast & he will b coming to sg very soon too. I tink he's counting down to that date. ;p

Oh yah, i'm going to court on this 26th & I will b officially divorced on the 26th april. Yeah, finally this day has come! I waited for so long liao till my neck has grown so long.. Hee~ Anyone has reliable housing agent to recommend me? =D I do not like to find stranger esp i will b passing the keys to her. Pls lor, dun expect me to go dwn to serangoon from jurong east everytime there r interested buyers wanting to view flat...

Go watch kid central wif my ger ler since maple is under server check right now.

YaYa

Busy Week

Has been very busy for the past whole week... Hmm.. wad did i do? Let me tink...

I rmb I had been going out almost everyday from mon to fri... I didnt want to stay at home, it was so lonely n boring. No one is free to talk to me. In the end, I bought lots of stuffs which cost few hundreds bucks. I noe I shld save up the $ for moving hse etc but I duno y, I just feel so down n wanted to make myself happier. I bought clothes, bag & some other stuffs that i dun even rmb.

Oh yah, I had just finished my 1000 piece puzzle and it took me 2 days. Depending on how u count it, if deduct my sleep n going out, it will b oni 1 day. =D I was hoping that puzzle could let me spend more days to complete, at least I dun feel so bored.

Found an part-time housing agent, going to meet her this friday, i tink. It was not yet confirmed, i oni heard it from my cousin. Ohh.. the agent was intro by my cousin de. I didn wan to find strangers from newspaper & pass him/her my keys. I dun feel safe...

Haiz.. Tinking of calling my lawyer tmr, mayb tell her I found buyer ler & ask her to speed up my divorce. I was hoping to get it done by april, i wonder if she can make it or not. I dun care, die die ask her to do it. I pay for it de ok?!

Caiyong first day of school is just like another normal day. He seems to like the school, he didnt complaint at all. He just kept mentioning that the teacher took his workbooks n never return him. Haha~ Kids nowadays r so fortunate... The school helped them to keep all their workbooks & exercise books. Last time during my time, we hav to bring everything to school ourselves de. T.T

Sian, nid go eat dinner ler or else later my dear will become a super naggy uncle liao... >.<

YaYa