New LG 10KG Washing Machine

Finally gave in and bought a new washer! The old washer though it's only 2 years plus but it has been very noisy, the drum sound as if it has difficulty to turn, loud noise can be heard even I use my hand to turn it manually. I had been going through to buy or not to buy because the noise come on and off every few days but I was really worried it will break down suddenly and I have to hand wash all. Not that I can't do it for a few days, but it was the unable to wear it for the next day worry me more. Most of the kids only have 2 sets of uniforms so it's usually wash today and wear it tomorrow. I don't think I can twist it as dry as my washer, haha! We brought it over from JB so no warranty here, may as well buy a new one. 

Didn't buy the same brand as last time, didn't really have good experience with it. The first one died on me within few years, the door couldn't open and the second one with the same brand drum like going to break off any time. This time I bought a direct drive front load washer and it's a bigger capacity as well. 10kg washer, no dryer. Had a washer dryer, barely used the dryer and it's not dry enough anyway, had to hang them up. Also I have enough bamboo sticks to hang all of them now. Mainly purpose to get a 10kg is because we are using a King size bed, read online that a king size comforter need a at least 9kg to wash it clean and it won't overload my washer too.

So chose this LG F1410SPRE 10kg front load washer this round to try. Initially wanted the other design(touch panel through out the machine) but it was out of stock so got no choice to get this. It's 9kg is made in China while 10Kg and above are made in Korea, think it will be better right? 

Received it this afternoon and ran a clean tub function. It was really quiet! I didn't even realise the machine start working and kept pressing for it to start, can't hear a single sound from it! At the moment really happy with the purchase. As for whether it can wash my clothes clean, will have to give it some time and monitor. Anyway purchase extended warranty so I can get it repair as many times as I can and if it's beyond repair, I will get a new one as replacement. Not a bad deal, definitely hope I won't need it so soon.

YaYa

Hubby has been busy and will be busy for this month, I will have to take care of the family and house myself. Pity that he hasn't has time to bring Weiwei to Garden by the bay, he has been looking forward to go there again. Oh well, we will have to wait until next month.

Had bought a nescafe dolce gusto for myself, I can make a cup of tea or chocolate drink when I want a quick break. It's beautiful and easy to use, just press a few buttons and my drink will be ready. It's so beautiful, fall in love with this machine when I saw it on the webstore. Nescafe newest machine named Eclipse, was on offer when I saw it last month and bought it immediately. Was actually considering of getting their Mini machine and researching the differences between the machines, accidentally saw this and changed to this. Never regret it, pretty items always never fail to catch my attention. Haha!

I bought a number of electrical appliances like pressure cooker (save my time on days where everyone is home late and I have to cook plus taking care of kids), facial cleanser device, epilators for my girl and myself, a bbq table grill, a smaller size rice cooker (nowadays we cook rice separately so it will taste better, a 10 cup cooker is too big now), a noodle maker (yeah! family is big and always has to buy many packs of noodles for a meal so I feel in the long run it will be better to make myself plus I can make vegetable noodles!), a shaver for my eldest and hand vacuum (to help me to vacuum my bookshelves and areas that is high above ground). Hahaha! He didn't know most of them, he hasn't seen them yet. Wonder when he will find out about them, hehe..

School holidays coming and my house will once again become a noisy place with quarrelling, crying and screaming. Hope my neighbours not going to mind. :p

YaYa

Valentine Day 2017

Happy Valentine Day to myself! Hubby is sick today so nothing from him so I bought myself a box of chocolates and gave him so that he can gift it to me, haha! Used to be upset not getting something from him but now, no more expectation as he isn't a romantic kind of person. As long as he treat me well on normal days, I'm contented with it. :)

YaYa

Differences

Had an unpleasant day on CNY day 1, right now I'm in bad terms with the in-laws. Well, I had told hubby earlier in the afternoon that I will not be eating dinner that day and he didn't take it seriously, thinking I was joking. It was a yearly affair that his mum invite her adopted daughters (not really adopted officially but just calling each other mum and daughters) for dinner on CNY day 1, sometimes there will be others as well. I admit that I am someone who neither likes to entertain nor in a crowded environment so after sitting awhile outside, I went back to the room. For the whole time sitting outside, I had not speak a word with anyone and it happens every year. It wasn't the first time I went back to the room but usually I gave excuse that I had to coax the toddler to sleep, this time I didn't. When hubby walked in to ask me to eat my dinner, I refused and told him I wasn't hungry and asked him to get the rest to eat instead and do not need to hesitate in putting cabbage inside the steamboat. I do not like to trouble anyone and I do not like the idea of having to wait for me to eat first before they are able to eat what they want to. Anyway I was indeed wasn't hungry at all, I didn't eat lunch that day or dinner and yet I do not feel hungry. Beats me,I take it as an opportunity to slim down my fat tummy and thighs.

His mum got angry and unhappy that I hide in the room, not eating her dinner (I guess lunch as well). I guess she's more upset that I wasn't helping to take care of the kids so that her son can has his dinner. All I can say hubby is not smart enough, he could let me know so I will bring them in. I did that later on and I didn't let them go out to play, I let them watch cartoon in the room. 

She was angry that she spent so much effort on cooking and I don't appreciate it, she thinks I am being picky for not wanting to eat steamboat. First, indeed I don't like steamboat but I never insist or want her to cook for me. I could jolly well go out and eat fast food or something else, I just do not like their way of steamboat. There's no sliced meat, no prawns, no fish balls but majority of ready made steamboat food bought in supermarket. Other than vegetables like cauliflower, broccoli and fish, the rest are opening the packets and throw them in. And I ate it like 3-4 meals of steamboat lunch/dinner before day 1 straight! I had reached my limit of trying to eat steamboat, my body doesn't even feel hungry looking at it so how I eat when I don't feel hunger?

Lots of thoughts in my mind, I didn't speak them out all because I feel it's pointless. I feel that even one smile and laugh on the outside, it doesn't mean one is not hurting somewhere in the inside. I see my in-laws more than I see my mum and yet I was told, we only see each other once a year so I should give in to my mil. I just do not want to do that, I'm tired of behaving as if I am walking on eggs. A forgotten greeting or a concern conversation make her unhappy and nag behind my back, perhaps is on purpose so that her son, my hubby will asked me about it to pacify her. I am a straight forward person, I don't like to put on a show and act. I show concern and care in my own way, I don't like to do in front of everyone. Perhaps they have forgotten that I grow up in a different environment, every family has a different way of teaching their own children. I am who I am, I will stand by my thinking and follow my heart. I want to be happy for once and be myself.

YaYa

Busy Month

Been really busy this month since school reopens. Although hubby took leave for the first 2 days, time passes in a blink of an eye. 

Surprisingly Bennett didn't cry in school at all, he's enjoying a lot there for the first few days when I was with him the whole time. As I started to leave the class and left him inside the class, he started crying a lot. Now he know what's going on and the sequence of going school, he start to ask for carry the moment we stepped out of the house. Refused to come down, doesn't want to play his round in the playground and fake cry on his way to school. He is the last few kids who are still crying in school but I know he stopped soon after, the teacher feedback to me about him. Hope some day he will be happily waving and say goodbye to me, I will wait patiently for it.

Lele still cry as usual but not on daily basis now. Some days he will smile and wave goodbye to me, say "see you later!" but some days he will cry and refuse to walk into the class. He has grown up, he's trying his best to hold his tears in. So proud of him!

Ah B went to the new school, not sure if he got used to the new environment yet but guess he will be soon. Just got the news yesterday that he got into pastry course as he wished! Good luck to him and hope he can do well there.

Weiwei was scared the first 2 days of school, he didn't try to talk to anyone. Can't blame him as he is timid but got to change school for him since he couldn't wake up on time last year when we moved house. There were days he was late for school and we had to keep rushing him every morning, even had to scold him to move. Now he knew many friends in school and guess he's happy. One thing he didn't like was the amount of homework given. He has lots of homework daily, with spelling coming up next week and 听写 starting on this Friday, he has lots of stress trying to memorise the words. I didn't expect him to get 100 marks on his 听写 because he didn't has it last year. Yes, not once at all. Hope he can get used to the new school soon. Jia you!

House Mover Review

Finding a good mover is never an easy task, worried to get someone who is not responsible or missing in action on the day of moving house is total nightmare. Searched online for reviews and saw many recommended Helping Hands, read that they used ex-convicts. Decided to contact them and used them since they are doing a good case, but the in-charge never get back to us after initial conversation on price and location, they are slightly cheaper than the one I used. If I didn't remember wrongly, he quoted us $300 for full load. After awhile, I decided to find someone else because I feel that he is not keen on the job.

Searching through forums and google, I found Gethsemane Care Ministry mover. It was posted by a lady who used them personally in renotalk few years ago. She gave them praises and seems very happy with them so I contacted them. Like Helping Hands, they used ex-convicts as well. We talked on the phone and the in-charge, Gary, is friendly. He made an appointment with us to come down to access our stuffs and informed us about their prices. They charge by half load ($180) or full load ($360). As we are taking full load, there was 20 free boxes and after that, it will be $2 per box. Their boxes are not big but they are thick and strong, easily packed our heavy books in with ease. I have lots of books as mentioned in previous post, in fact, about 1/3 of the boxes we had are packed with books. 

He brought us 50 boxes few days later and we started packing everything in. Used about 48 boxes, Gary only charged us 15 boxes in total. They do wrap up big items before moving them out like fridge, washing machine and drawer cabinet. They came with 2 lorries (1 on standby) and they moved fast. We gave each them 1 hongbao each after that, there are 5 or 6 of them. I can't remember because it was hubby who passed them.

Overall we are happy with their service and will not hesitate to recommend them to friends and family.

YaYa

Renovation

Renovation has its up and down, some mistakes here and there but as long as they are rectified, we are okay with it. Anyway the whole process is very rushing since we have to move out the rented flat soon and we can't complain much. Most importantly, we are quite easy going! Hahahaha.. Actually if time permit, hubby would get them to do it as agreed. Oh well..

Can't blame or pin point their mistakes since we are not able to give them time to rectify some miscommunication. We will just live with it but next time (if there is next time but I don't think I will want to move again, I don't really like to move as there are too much stuffs to do).

As we want to spend within budget (already borrowed 20k renovation loan but end up we got 40k loan, reason stated in next paragraph), we decided to purchase the rest of our furnitures from Ikea. We didn't buy everything cheap in Ikea, overall we spent over 10k there. And also we made sure we really like the design before purchasing, we don't buy for the sake of buying. Only thing I don't like is the shoes cabinet, quality not really good. I paid over $100 for it and yet it started to peel off (the laminate). The kids chose their own wardrobe door colour, only the youngest will be using drawer cabinet brought over the old house since he's still too young for a wardrobe and we planned to let him take over his older brother wardrobe which is slightly shorter than the rest while the older brother upgrade his. We bought pax wardrobe for master bedroom, look good but the bad thing is there is no lock drawer. Never realised we have so many books, took 2 big shelves, 1 thin tall shelf and 3 waist height shelves to put all our books in. I love books, I just can't resist buying them, hehe.

From the beginning, we discussed and decided to borrowed 20k renovation loan. Initially he made up his mind to borrow from CIMB as he compared it with OCBC and their interest rate is lower. But right after he submitted his application, the interest was adjusted and it was higher than OCBC. He wanted to try OCBC but because of time restrict, he couldn't wait for OCBC to process the application and had to go ahead with CIMB. The interior design company was chasing after us for first payment, we didn't want to pay upfront with cash first and get refund later stage. (To be frank, I heard too many horror stories about renovation so I am really worried they will run away with my money). As this is the first time we borrowed from the bank, we thought the way the banks work are the same throughout but before we know it, OCBC had sent us a bank cheque to our new home without informing or signing acceptance letter (OCBC actually doesn't require to sign any acceptance letter. Once you go OCBC to apply for loan, they will mail you the cheque if approved). Going to make full repayment for CIMB this month, can't afford to pay both for the next 3 years. Only a few hundreds penalty, better than to pay few thousands interest.

YaYa

Purchase List

Chose baron toilet bowl because I like the feeling of sitting on it. The sales lady asked us to sit on all their display to see which is more comfortable. And this design is easier to clean. 

Master bathroom is big enough to put this type of cabinet, didn't want to build in as they are made of wood so not easy to maintain in a moist environment.

Bought 707 water heaters for both bathrooms. After some researching, wanted to change to those with auto cutoff if there is electricity leakage type heater but the shop does not sell those. Well, my only choice will be change it after few years later.

Bought Fujioh hood, hob and oven. They have a bundle package for 3 so we didn't think too much and get them. Seriously, I can't bear to spend few thousand on an oven and I haven't really start to bake. Anyway I feel every oven will do its job, just how accurate they are. Tested the oven with oven thermometer, seems to be quite accurate, only slightly hotter. Hob works as described, no complains about it.Not sure if the hood works, I hardly deep fry any stuffs. 

Not much choice for hood as I wanted one with strong suction since I have an open concept kitchen. Also this is the only one that is not too huge or too wide. Hubby and me are tall so hoods that are around the same depth as the bottom cabinet will get our heads hit on the hood frequently or we can't see the food properly. Anyway SLM 900 looks quite pretty and slim, not bulky to look at. 

Hubby chose FG 3793 SVSS hob. He said having the other 2 burners further away from wok burner will be more practical, I have to agree on that. We have to consider the space the wok needed as it's big. The small burner we usually use it on small pots or for soup.

I love FBO-38 Fujioh oven design, initally chose FBO-9 but decided to change to the one I love and also the glass is bigger, easier to monitor my food being cooked.

Wanted to get it in stainless steel but it was out of stock so I have to choose between copper and beige. In the end took beige because the sample colour on the website looks deep red for copper and I couldn't find any stock photo or real life photos for either. I can only choose the safer colour to match my kitchen.

 

Bought our TV and sound bar a month earlier before we collect keys because it was on sales and there are few hundreds discount. Who want to pay more right?

Bought quite a number of stuffs from taobao because they are cheaper there even after adding in shipment cost and GST. So we never thought of buying lights here, the price is really expensive. I know there is a risk buying there but we could save quite a significant amount. Took many days to find a suitable design for the new flat, it was not easy! He wanted track lights for the house, the type with no wire seen from the outside (easy cleaning purpose) and it has to be COB type. Finding the right watts for home use was not a easy task, most of them are for commercial use (the type that he wants) so they are too glaring and bright. After days of searching in Taobao, finally found what we want. Chosen 10W in natural light bulb, actually should be get 7W instead.

Found a suitable dining light as well, look pretty and simple enough. Don't want any fancy design, I will be the one cleaning it so no.

We bought 2 simple ceiling lamps for the common rooms, they are from ikea. Couldn't find the stock photo in the website, we saw it at their store and find them suitable so bought them home.

As for toilets, yard and store room lights, I bought them from Taobao. Very cheap, only cost less than $4 each. Yes, you read it right! Can't complain much with that price, can't find it anywhere. Doesn't look as pretty as photo but still able to accept it due to the super low price.

Since I was shopping at Taobao, I bought numerous other stuffs from there for the new home. To name a few like laundry basket and key holder, I can't list down everything because there are too many of them. Haha! I admit I am a shopaholic, I love to buy at the comfort of my home.

YaYa

The discussion of home design (Part 3)

Never know that it can be so tiring to just liaise with ID, there is so much things to decide and discuss. Finally saw the 3D design for my kitchen and we are really trilled about it. Love the colour combinations, we intend to keep the colours chosen by the designer. The top cabinet is made of glossy material, in white while the bottom cabinet is made of matt material, with checker pattern on it. Chose KompacPlus(boston cherry)  as the main cabinet worktop while the island counter used Quartz (frozen white). The only area we changed was there will be no microwave, no fridge kerb, oven to be at the same level as bottom worktop and the laminate for the tall unit to be in matt colour instead of in 2 different materials since my kitchen is an open concept so it will look weird in my opinion.

After that week of confirming the laminates, we went down to hafary at Balestier Road. Kitchen is easy to decide since we are following the colour in the drawing but not easy for the bathrooms since we have no idea what should we choose, there are so many tiles to look at! We decided to get the floor tile colour similar to the kitchen floor tile since both of us like grey. I get to decide for the floor tiles in master bathroom while he decides for common toilet. I let him choose the wall tiles then I will look after that if I like it as well.

This is kitchen plus yard floor tile and kitchen wall tile. We removed the kerb at service yard entrance so it will be easier for us to move in and out, especially for the little sotong ball who always tripped. The wall tile is for the exposed area around the fridge. It looks plain in the photo but actually it's not, we chose the design that is within the tile (forgotten the name for it since it was months ago when I went there). Pretty circles in it and because it's smooth on the outside, it will be easy to clean.

Hubby likes marble like tiles and they look not bad so we chose that for both bathrooms. He chose this design for the common bathroom, I feel the one I chose look better. :p

I chose this design for master bathroom, really love the design.

The drawings for the bathrooms are finally out after we chose the tiles. Mainly to let us know how it will look like when they are install, so exciting. Actually I only realised at the later stage that it was for the tiler to see properly where to put the tile, a colour copy was stick on the wall for viewing purpose.

YaYa

Fwd: The discussion of home design (Part 2)

The flat condition is not bad but the build ins are not so in the first place, we planned to tear down everything except the flooring in the living and bedrooms as they are broken marbles. Felt it's a waste to hack them off so we decided to keep them. The kitchen looked very dark so told myself I am not going to use dark colours there otherwise I might need to switch on lights even in the day!

Got my floor plan from my agent. Rooms are big, so big that it's enough to put a queen size bed in both common rooms. I prefer having big rooms for the kids than a big living room, they need space to sleep in.

I always love the idea of having a kitchen island so requested for 1 for my kitchen. In order to accommodate the island, we hack down the half wall at the kitchen entrance. Initially we planned to keep the original design of the kitchen, doing a L shaped cabinet with a bar top but after a few discussion with hubby, we think that the bar top is a waste of space and under utilized area as we have young kids. It's dangerous if they try to climb onto the bar stool, it could injured them.

We will be doing top cabinets at all areas in the kitchen, chimney hood like this with such a big open storage is a place to collect dust. It's as good as not having them since whatever stuffs I put there, I would have to clean them every few other day. 

This is the living area. Found it weird to have the tv console placed at that angle, won't it be difficult to watch it if we are sitting on the sofa? And also, the unit is a corridor unit so the lights from outside will be reflected on the tv. Re-wiring the whole house as well, I don't like the idea of continuing using almost 20 years old wiring and power points. The previous rented flat we stayed in was in old estate, I had seen a few cases of fire there. Both in HDB flats and shop house, I'm staying in my new place for good so I can't afford to wait for any accident to happen. Anyway it's a hassle to do renovation after moving in, too much dust to handle.

Intend to remove the door frame at service yard entrance, nothing much to be done here other than hacking the floor and the wall shelves down. Sure glad that the toilet entrance had been changed to service yard instead of in the kitchen, could always do with more cabinets in the kitchen. Haha! 

This is master bedroom. We had decide to do a mini walk in wardrobe area (with wardrobe doors. I can't stand dust and molds.) facing the main door. It will put at the partition area as shown in the photo. By arranging the wardrobe this way, I won't have to worry being seen by opposite block and it won't affect the person sleeping if the other party need to change or whatever. 

YaYa

The discussion of home design (Part 1)

The story continue..

We started to look for ID as long as the seller signed OTP, actually we didn't really go around to look for it. My sister is working as an interior designer so I got her to do it for me. Well, she can't be doing a bad job for her family member right? Haha

We discussed it long before I got my keys, to be exact, even before I went for first appointment. We know we won't have time to do that if we wait until we got the keys. We are really glad that sellers don't need extension and in fact, they were willing to agree a 6 weeks wait for second appointment instead of 8 weeks. Later I heard it from their agents that they had moved out just before the big day so it was very rushed for them too. Really appreciate their kindness! Although they weren't willing to help us to apply permit to start renovation a day after second appointment, I wasn't angry with them because we managed to get the keys earlier than we had expected so even I had to apply the permit myself, the works can be started earlier than we planned.

It was a tiring process to decide what we want to do for our home. Initially wanted to do quite a number of build in furniture, even created a mood board for it. But decided to do without them because they cost us more than 13k for these. In the end I used that money to buy ready made furniture for the whole house and it cost less than that!

Anyway I wasn't too upset about it since I never did any built in for my previous house too so doesn't really affect me and I also not sure if it will look as nice as I imagined or will it last since I have 5 kids and the youngest is only 2. I seriously don't want to spend so much on it and end up getting destroyed by them.

Kitchen will be in another post, I will write it when time allows me to do so.

A bookshelf with settee. Really love this because I have lots of books and this will not occupy space. But a similar design cost me more than 5k!

A settee beside the half length shoes cabinet. Look too cramped in the drawing so decide to forgo it as well.

My master bedroom. This was something I wanted to do but not exactly to what I want because I had to do it in L shaped (the wardrobe) instead. I didn't really like that because of the corner that will be difficult to access. The wardrobe with the dressing table cost me near to 4.5k. 

YaYa

My life for the past year

It has been 2 years since I visited my blog, I had totally forgotten about my blog. I even forgotten how to access the main setting at one point that I had to google for it, haha!

I have been busy, moved back to Singapore June last year because of hubby's work and we sold our home in JB. It was heartbreaking to do that because both of us love the home (that's why we bought it isn't it?) and it contain many memories of us (including the kids too!). 

After we moved here, I got him to apply for PR under family ties. I heard it was easier than using employment pass to apply for it. Anyway he has 3 sons who are Singapore Citizens already so for him to get PR, it should not be difficult. Took us 6 months to get the result and as expected, the application was approved (thank God!). By then, it was already February and it was really rush for us as our lease contract is ending in September so we had to prepare to find a flat as soon as possible. But we had to wait until he has the blue NRIC on hand before we can proceed to apply for HDB loan and even to view any flat. That push back till April!

We are really lucky, we found our dream flat on the first day of viewing and it was the first unit we viewed. Decided to get this unit after a few days of consideration. I knew that I will be looking for similar layout since it was what I want so don't see a point to look somewhere else. What if it doesn't look as good as this unit, what if? I don't want to take the risk to wait and miss the opportunity to take it, I will be staying there as long as I can. What I like was it was on high floor (only 2 units below the top unit), the flat is big enough to accommodate the big family of us and lastly I love the floor plan. Only thing was it was a corridor unit but on the hand, because of the windows, the flat look bright which I love. Anyway the flat faced North and sun doesn't shine in on both morning and night which I was really glad. It was really warm in the night last time in JB, we had to on aircon quite frequently. 

Viewed other units at Sembawang, most of them are not to my liking. Kitchen is too narrow, living room was humongous, weird design. Bedrooms are small other than master bedroom so it's not easy to put 5 kids in 2 rooms. We viewed all 5 room flats in Sembawang so that's the biggest size already! Only 1 layout I am quite keen but the kitchen and 2 rooms faced west and it's on the fifth floor. Though it's a corner unit, the path along the corridor is narrow and not easy to walk pass. I cannot imagine walking through it daily for many years down the road.

Will be jotting down the process of finding an ID and renovation another day, I'm tired! Haha..

Poor little Bennett has so many obstacles to go through.. When we thought he's done, another obstacle just pop up and get in his recovery road. He's back to nicu, got infection (still not sure where is the infection, awaiting for lab report but I read his diagnosis yesterday when I visited him, it's suspected sepsis), he literally fainted thrice in 2 days so he's back to using pure oxygen breathing aid that pump oxygen into him instead of him breathing on his own. Also he got himself 2 blood transfusions and hoping he won't need the third. I found out he needed surgery soon (after his infection is treated) to get his hernia off him. My heart feel so pain for him, his tiny little body has to endure so much pain and I know he is fighting so hard to live on, I wish I was the one who is suffering instead of him. My heart ache seeing the poke scars left on his hands, arms and feet, there were more than 10 of them. I'm not sure how many of them as I couldn't bear to count them one by one. Sometimes I caught myself thinking did I really make the right decision, am I the one causing all the suffering.. I hope, I really hope he can overcomes all the obstacles and go home with us soon. I am missing him so much..

My dear little Bennett, please remember to breathe always, it's a must to do that 24/7. I know you are not feeling well, I know you have lungs infection and you are anemia. But do not repeat what you did yesterday, stopped breathing and you don't even want to cry in the step down unit until you were moved back to nicu. Do you know this will terrified me, I'm really afraid to lose you. I can't imagine the life without you, I am so looking forward to the day you come home, the day I cam carry you for the whole day. Please continue fighting for yourself and for us, we love you darling.

Bennett finally start feeding, it mean he's getting a step closer to go home. Though he's drinking very little now (1ml every 6 hourly) but it's a big progress for us. He had a blood transfusion yesterday because he's anaemia, I really hope it's nothing serious. He has gone through a lot and feel so heart pain seeing his current condition. But he's getting better each day, he moved to step down unit 2 days ago. 

I ordered some preemie size clothings for him and now looking forward to receive them, getting him dress when he's discharge. I miss him so much.. 

I was so trilled when my baby arrived last wednesday, i had contraction and "show" that morning. As baby is in breech, I was scheduled to have c-section first thing in the morning at 8am. Happiness didn't last long.. On Sunday, hubby noticed his tummy is bloated and he mentioned to the doc when he met him in the evening. That night, we received a call from hospital at 10 plus asking hubby to go down. Immediately I know something is not right, I was worried and couldn't sleep. The doctor did a x-ray for my boy and found out the air is outside his intestine so he suspected there might be a tear somewhere. Hubby went back to hospital again at 6am and shortly after, he told me that baby needed operation. I was so shock, I didn't know what happened and I couldn't stop crying as I feared that I might lose him. I went down to the hospital straight, talked with hubby and doctor and finally we decided to let him go ahead with the operation. It took 2 hours and a hole was found in his small intestine, surgeon mended the hole but left the wound open for monitoring because there are some areas infected and yes, my baby boy has NEC. 

After reading online about NEC, it worries me a lot. Will my boy get well or will it take him away from us? I live in fear daily, worrying hospital will call and worrying how is my boy coping. Today is his 5th day after op, I can only live day by day, hoping everything will turn well. He hasn't start on feeding yet, not sure when he will be starting on it but I'm willing to take a step at a time as long as he's well. 

I have no one to talk to except here, I didn't want to add on trouble to anyone. I keep thinking did I make the wrong decision, did I bring so much trouble to everyone, did I.. There are so many questions questioning myself that I do not know how to answer them..

Baby comes to the world on Wednesday, two n half months earlier than expected. I had an infection on Tuesday, that's what I guess because I developed fever out of sudden and later in the night contraction set in followed by "show". He is very tiny, less than 1.5kg. I could only hear 4 soft cries in the operating theatre and he has been staying in nicu since then. As expected, his lungs are affected, he can hardly breathe on his own. After a couple of days, I was told there's minor bleeding in his brain, his heart is weak etc.. Did I cause him to suffer? Perhaps, maybe, most probably I did..

Why wasn't I am the one who is suffering?  Why I create so much trouble for everyone?  Why didn't I get to die at that time so all these will not happen at all. I wish I was the one who died then, I really don't mind at all.. I was wrong in the first place..

It has been quite awhile since I update about baby, well I was busy with the family. Baby is growing well, measure 1260 grams on 29 week. Gynae pushed my EDD a week earlier so now my estimated EDD is 31st May 2014. Time passes really fast, I'm going to see baby in a couple of months' time. 

Oh yea, I am still leaking as usual and need to change about 4 pads per day and I used normal pad nowadays because there are times where it leak quite a lot. Of course I bought more panties to change daily. 

I'm so excited that we are going to buy some baby items next month because there are some items spoilt like newborn dimple pillow and also checking with gynae on the next visit if I will be going for natural delivery or c-section. Need to get all the items by next month too.. :D

Started on antibiotics few days ago because I was tested to have infection and weirdly that my amniotic fluid had been turning from pale yellow to almost transparent now. I wonder if it will help to reseal back the rupture area, hmm.. Well, I am leaking more frequently now, from once a day to few times per day. I'm guessing it might because baby has grow bigger so urine more, baby gets better so he can urine more? I'm not sure but at least I feel at ease that he's passing urine even though I have to change my pads more frequently.

Really has to thanks my cousin who is helping me to buy everything I needed after delivery as she knows I can't go out. She even offered to send it all the way to my house so I do not need to send my dear to pick it up from her. Glad to have her as my cousin, my sister. ^_^

I was quite depressed for the past few days because amniotic fluid hasn't increased since 2 weeks plus ago and well, the way gynae said it's like we will be waiting for my baby to die. Which mum-to-be wants to do that?! At least I don't and really hope that miracle will happen on our baby. 

To keep my mind occupy, I start looking names for baby. As we are not very sure the gender, I will have to look for both baby girl and boy names. Unlike the past, this time I'm trying to find a name with meaning and wish it will be the same as baby. 

My target is at least drag to 32 weeks and I still have 9 more weeks to go. Of course, the longer I can keep baby in, the better it will be (I guess).