Few days ago I heard a bad news, it's from one of the mummies whom I am quite close to when I was having weiwei in forum. Her daughter is diagnosed with leukaemia and has admitted to KKH. She is like a few weeks younger than weiwei and my heart just feel so pain thinking the ordeal she will need to go through at such young age. I guess everyone will feel the heartache, especially those with kid. Other than praying for her, I do not know what else I can do for her. Jia you Shermaine!!!

Started my cloth diaper on Lele yesterday, wasn't very successful as it leak twice. I think I will need to shorten the time on changing or need to use long insert instead of the short type. I expected some hiccups along the way since it's the first experience for me and Lele so it will need some time before both of us know how to cope with it. I hope the journey for CD will be smooth from now on!

Weiwei will be taking graduation photo today, supposed to wear shoes and socks. Teacher only informed me yesterday and we tried to look 1 for him. Combing the whole Jusco, we can't even get a shoes for him. All of them do not have stocks for his feet so end up we didn't buy any. Well, at least we tried our best but luck is not on our side so what to do. Hope he still look handsome with his croc shoes, hee..

Time passes really fast, Lele is already 9 weeks old. Poor boy has been getting flu for the 3rd time since birth and until now he hasn't fully recover. I hope he will get well soon. I have stopped my favourite milk+cereal meal for him, he has been vomiting almost every after feed, fart alot with poops and my hands can always feel gas in his tummy. PD recommended me to stop diary products as it cause gassy tummy, even online articles say the same thing. I change to drink soy milk daily and I can see him getting better each day. Other than crying badly before milk make him vomit, he get most of it inside him and he don't poop as much too. Since last evening, his diapers are free of poops (really surprised me and dear) till now. Now hoping his poop habit will be adjusts and more predictable. 

Weiwei stops crying when he goes school, he even smiles and wave goodbye to me nowadays. I knew he loves school, it's just that he can't let go of me. He has grown up quite alot and turning very mischievous as well, I have to keep reminding myself he is doing all these to get my attention since I have been neglecting him quite abit since Lele is here. I felt blessed and lucky that Weiwei loves Lele very much and willing to share me with his didi.

Yesterday was a tiring for us and Lele.. It's lele full month and we took the opportunity to gift relatives/friends a cake box as a thank you. We went out early, around 8am and only back 12hrs later. As usual, food from Sweetest Moment is as good as 3 years ago and it was the first time I self collect myself. Parking there is pathetic, lucky I don't need to go back there again.

Dear and I decided not to bring Lele out for such a long time again as he was crying on and off since 3 plus till we got home so we believe he's not used to the outside. Really heartpain to see him cry like this, even carrying doesn't help too. We shall only bring him to nearby places like Jusco, supermarket. Those require hours of driving/travelling shall wait till he get older, I dont mind anyway. =)

I guess I am not a sensitive mummy, I didn't know LeLe is sick until we went to his PD this morning. Yesterday I told dear his breathing become very noisy, like something inside blocking him and he has been sneezing quite a number of times too. As WeiWei has been sick since last week, we suspect LeLe got his virus too. Dear then decided to take half-day today to bring LeLe to his PD, just in case. I know dear don't have many leaves left so told him perhaps we can wait till next week or I shall monitor another day or two before deciding. However, LeLe didn't sleep well last night. He had been waking up every hourly and cry (yes, both of us didn't sleep well with him too) so dear felt that it can't be wait for even another day.

PD confirmed that LeLe is down with flu and required a nasal spray to be used in the day to let the mucus to flow out while another type of drop in the night to let mucus to dry up so he can sleep better. When we used the spray, he screamed his lungs out. I know, I understand is really uncomfortable to use a spray to spray into the nose but really no choice.. I hope he will get better soon and he doesn't need to use the spray again.

It has been 3 weeks since LeLe come into my life. Though tiring but felt so warm, touching and happy to see his little face. Still can't imagine this little guy has been inside me for almost 10 months and now he is right beside me. He has been waking up 2 hourly for milk in the night, not sure if he is hungry or looking for comfort but I don't mind feeding him too. Anyway he won't want me next time when he grow up so must enjoy it now, haha..

Just bought a portable swing 2 days ago as he want constant carrying thus I am unable to do anything including toilet break and cooking. I just hope I can have at least 30mins each time to do my stuffs, I don't mind going hungry but I don't wish that to happen to WeiWei. Lucky LeLe seems to enjoy sleeping in it and he is able to sleep longer than usual, now I can rest more now.

Intend to buy a play gym for him and still thinking to buy another carrier as he dislike bjorn. Saw Manduca carrier and it look comfortable, the review is material thinner than Ergo so won't as warm as Ergo which is what I am looking for. Let me consider longer whether to buy that as well or not since it's not cheap. Hee..

Sigh.. Weiwei has been sick since Monday and having on and off fever with cough+flu, seeing him feel so unwell make my heart aches. I hope he will get better real soon, perhaps bringing him to the doctor if it still persist.

I thought for the whole night, deciding to give up my Lamaze Space Symphony Motion Gym. I can't bear to give it up, I love the design and theme but I couldn't do self collection myself. First, I have forgotten I was in confinement. Second, Weiwei is very sick now so I don't wish to bring him out. Third, Lele hasn't get his passport yet. Maybe Lele won't like the gym at all, I have to persuade myself to believe in that. Haiz...

Lele has grown up quite abit, last time he used to cry when I clean his face/wash his hair all the way I finish bathing him but today he didn't cry at all. I make sure water is warm enough for him, he is afraid of coldness person and he is in good mode before bringing him in. Hee..

Due to frequent pooing, his buttock starts to get rashes. Poor Lele, must be painful whenever I clean him up. Now I am using diaper spray n cotton wool to clean for him, lets hope it will get better soon.

WeiWei has been very good boy, he tries to help me out though sometimes he can't do much. He would help me to get diaper, pacificer etc. when I asked him to. Even I dont,  he would take it whenever he hear Lele cry or when I said Lele poos. Can see he really loves his didi..

Wrist breaking!!! Deprived of sleep!!! LeLe has been on fussy mode for the whole of yesterday and I had been carrying him for most of the time. Everytime I put him down, he will start crying after 5 mins +/- and required to carry him. As he is small and light, I can't use my carriers (bjorn and Ergo) and most of my cooking,bathing etc have to keep pushing back till he go back to sleep. Last night he only managed to go to sleep mode around 2.30am. Gosh, that is so so so tiring.. Lucky dear helped me to take care for a couple of hours so I could get some sleep but I know he needed work as well so tried to carry him back too.

Sorry dear that I got angry with you yesterday, wasn't really your fault actually. I just find an excuse to vent my frustration and anger out on you as I had a tough day with LeLe. =(

Seriously thinking of investing on either a sling or wrap to carry him around so I can do my things and rest better. At least my wrist wont be that aching than now isn't it? 

LeLe, please be good boy and let mama and papa rest well to take care of you and korkor + jiejie the next day ok? T.T

LeLe not sleeping well today, he has been waking up and cried for countless times since early morning. His umbilical cord dropping soon, I saw it half drop off already and there r some dried blood, wonder is it we are too rough and cause the cord to drop off earlier than it suppose to be?

Have been feeling heavy and not really hard breasts since milk came in few days ago. Tried using the pump while massaging it doesn't help, still feel quite the same. Since I didn't pump the last time when I had WeiWei (even there is, it only lasted about a day or two as I don't not need excess milk and I don't remember the same situation so I guess it cleared my blocked duct just by pumping) so couldn't figure it out why I have so little milk. I remember I could get quite alot last time, at least 50ml or more as I used via cup to store. But now its like 10-15ml, can't be so little and I thought it should be the same? In the end, I follow one of the mummies I know from forum how to manually squeeze out first before pump, I manage to get about 50ml out from one side. I was shocked and surprised to get so much. Now my LeLe should have enough milk to drink without depending on formula, I m so happy. Jia you to breastfeeding journey, I know I can do it!

It took me 5 days before I can finally stop formula milk for LeLe, my milk has been so pathetic that I almost wanted to give up on trying. It has been a tiring and tough period for both me and LeLe..

We registered his birth cert in Malaysia on last Friday, decided on the name Lim Zing Le, Jarrett. Initially we planned to let his mum to decide on the last chinese character wording, she wanted to get shi fu to calculate and we agreed just to let her happy. To my horror, she got everything changed except the English and surname of course. I was quite upset because it turned out like LeLe is the odd one out in the family. Imagine the rest of them have the same sound in the middle name while he is not and the last character of the name his mum got for us sound exactly the same as WeiWei. I was like ... Not to mention she only got us 1 name, it mean we don't have a choice at all. This is not what I thought from the beginning.. I thought we are only changing the last character and there should be a few choices for us to choose like what others have when they get shi fu to match. Had a small argument with dear and he decided to stick to the original plan, use 1 of the names we chose earlier since both of us not really into it. Now I wonder how his mum going to react tonight when he tells her, sigh.

WeiWei sat his teacher car today for the first time as I am unable to send him over for the next 3 weeks. Actually I don't mind sending him over but dear don't allow, he wanted me and LeLe rest at home and not saving the money. I admit I can't bear the money as it cost 400 for just 1 mth, I can buy lots of stuffs with that amount. Haha.. I gave in to him and let him do what he want since he has been doing the same to me. Really appreciate what he has doing for me for the past week, making me feel comfortable and at ease. Thanks dear..

I felt confused.. All along I had been hoping he will be out soon but now I kind of regret for it, haha. Yes, baby arrived on 18/6/2012 3.44 pm.

Birth Story 18/6
Dear wasn't working today, he wanted to visit gynae as we didn't manage to go on Sunday as he had been working since Saturday and by the time he got home, it was almost early noon.

We reached gynae clinic around 9 and was told to come back at 10.30am for our appt. As I was lazy to go somewhere else for breakfast (I wasn't hungry, I ate 2 buns and a big cup of cereal drink before heading out) so we went hospital canteen. While sitting there, I felt slight contraction. Looked at dear watch and timed but thinking maybe its just another BH since I have been feeling that for the past few days. When we got back to the clinic after 30 mins later, I realised gynae is not around. His door was opened and total darkness inside, my guess is he went for delivery. Timing is not constant and even the intensity too. Went to the washroom at 11am and I saw pinkish discharge, dear informed the clinic nurse and we were told to go delivery suite to do ctg. Looking at the time,I told dear I want to go home first as I wanted to fetch WeiWei from school and bathe (just in case).

We got back to the hospital at around 1pm, the nurses in delivery suite were asking where we went because they had been looking for us. Haha.. I never thought they would do that as I only got a slip from the gynae so didn't expect the clinic to track me. Did ctg for maybe an hr or so and we were sent back to gynae. The slip showed I had contractions in every 10 mins but I could see the intensity is not constant, sometimes high and sometimes low. Checked dilation and gynae was surprised that I had dilated for 5-6cm so he decided to send me up again saying I will be delivering today.

Was still quite surprised myself too while waiting for dear to do admission. By 2.50pm, I was feeling more and more pain and the time taken to feel the pain is getting shorter, less than 5mins. When I reached delivery suite, I was in intense pain and wanted to get epi but wasn't given because I was 8cm dilated, midwife said I dilated too much already and worried baby is unable to cry when he's out plus she felt baby head while checking on me.

After that, it was a total nightmare for me. Gynae hasn't arrived so midwife can't allow me to deliver before that. She tried to get me relax, I used laughing gas till I had no strength to feel anything. But as time passed, the pain was so intense that I couldn't stand it and little did I know that baby is trying to get his way out. Lucky gynae made it in time. When he reached, baby head is almost head so I guess that's the reason I didn't get any cut below but I do get a slight tear. Initially gynae intend to stitch for me but I asked if I can do without it (only 1-2 stitches, didn't want to feel pain again for that) and he said can.

Baby looked blue when he came out, he cried so loud and kept wanting someone to carry him. He has a strong lungs! He weigh 2860 grams, lighter than I expected. I thought he would weigh near or more than 3.5kg, haha..

I took less than 5hrs for the whole process and the last 4-5cm I took less than an hr. All of us including the gynae were shocked that I delivered that fast. I will not go through pregnancy again, he is my last child. The pain is too scary to go through it again..

Still on waiting game, he still not coming out yet.. Many times my mind just flashed through situations where he is willing to be out.. I think I am just too bored waiting, haha.. Has been waking up a few times in the night and unable to sleep or been sleeping late, wonder why.. Hope this little beanie won't let me wait too long from now. =)

This is so funny... The postman working at dear office de already can recognise his name and commented to the admin that the same guy again ar? Hahaha.. Little did he know that it's me who has doing all the buying. No choice, I got nowhere to post my stuffs other than his office lo. Hehe.. Can't be going self collect every now and then plus some sprees don't allow it also. There will be a last package reaching dear on friday or monday so i wonder what will the postman think again this time, haha.. I will try not to purchase stuffs for the time being, let the postman to forget about him first. =p

I am very tired, I am very sleepy, I am tired of waiting already! When is my beanie going to come out? No matter how much I sleep, I seem the same and can go back to bed again. Waiting, waiting and more waiting. Must REN, REN, REN!!!

3rd day of repairing my car porch ceiling and finally no more drilling during the day. Not that I don't like it, is the little one inside me been kicking as if he is afraid of the sound. And due to the noise pollution, I couldn't nap in the day so I was too tired in the morning. Hee.. But well, I still managed to nap awhile yesterday though I have been waking up by the noise while weiwei nap throughout for 2 days (really salute him for being able to sleep through despite of the loud sound). 

Wonder how heavy is the little one, seeing gynae on sunday and wonder when will he be coming out to meet us. To be frank, I am quite tired of waiting although I know I can't rest well when he's out. I can't wait to meet him face-to-face! =D

Now counting down, waiting game.. Wonder when will baby coming to see us.. I have been thinking what signal will i be having on that day etc.. Hehe.. Maybe i have nothing to do so i have been thinking many things recently.

Next week going to bring weiwei for 3 year old assessment, hopefully i can still accompany him to polyclinic. And today is his birthday but dear is busy with his project so tonight i will be buying him his favourite fish n prawn. Perhaps can take photos on how he feast on them, haha..

Every year when is near to my birthday or anniversary, I always tell him I wanted flowers but as always I will never get it. I know he isn't a romantic person or someone who will give flowers during the special days so I expected nothing from him since I didn't have anything from him. However this year he gave me a very pleasant surprise on my birthday. He actually went to buy me a bouquet of forget-me-not for me and brought it home secretly. I was caught by surprise that he did that, is so sweet of him to do that too. I wonder if there will be a second time from him? Haha.. I feel very contented that he actually did it for once in his lifetime (at least to me), thank you my dear. =)

First flower bouquet from my dear

Look pretty isn't it?

Weiwei at home today as his school has 4 cases of HFMD with 2 cases in his class so dear don't want to let him take the risk of getting it as well. He did something on his own while I was bathing just now. He wanted to eat bread but didn't let me know so he took the bread, nutella (his all-time favourite) and butter spread knife from the fridge and decide to do it himself. As I expected, it quite a mess. Too much nutella on the bread, he had it even on the table, his hands and handkerchief (he actually used that to wipe off the excess =.=). I didn't scold him, I know he is just trying to get it done and eat it. I need to hide the knife somewhere already, sigh.

And lastly, happy birthday to myself. :)

I wonder how is weiwei doing in school today. He was on diaper-free for the first time yesterday in school but I am not sure why he look so terrified and frightened when he saw me after school. I am not sure why he reacted that way as I spoke with the teacher today and they were surprised too with his reaction. I was told he was doing well yesterday and no one scolded him so they are not sure why he was so scared. Perhaps he is still trying to get used to this major change and not comfortable in going to a new toilet, haha..

I have almost finish washing baby's things except a cot bumper and clothings. Not that I am lazy, is just that I don't want to wash them too early so been dragging the time. Maybe I will start washing them next week provided the weather is on my side, I just hate it that it has to rain daily in the afternoon. Even it doesn't rain, it will only be like once or twice a week only so is really hard to predict and I still have our own clothings to wash as well. And I have to squeeze in a day or two to use febreeze to 'clean' baby toys and mattress, not to mention I need to put them in the sun (again). Need to do things faster to wait for the little one's arrival!

Had a busy night yesterday, went to sg and brought ah b to KKH, suspected fractured wrist as he fell earlier in the noon when he is walking downstair to wait for school bus. He claimed he didn't see where he was walking, he was looking somewhere else (plus i think day-dreaming as well) and thus caused him to fall. His wrist is swollen and unable to move, he didn't tell mum about it until mum came back in the night (buy him dinner). On cast for a week, going back to see bone specialist on thursday to check if he need a permanent cast that can last him for a mth or nothing really serious as the x-ray couldn't see much and the doctor-on-duty in A&E didn't want to take the risk so treated it as fractured wrist first. So his birthday that fall on next saturday will be a day without cake as mum said he can't eat eggs, bean types veges and anything sour. Haiz..

It has been a tiring weekend.. Saturday we went Jusco, buying some baby's stuffs and my confinement items. Thinking of buying them now since it's almost April and didn't want to push it further just in case. Was so happy to see that they are opening Delifrance in May, can't wait to eat it again. ^^ Sunday I followed dear to his office, waited for him about an hour and weiwei started crying after 35mins cause his papa never come back. Haha.. After that we went ikea as the clock in my room is spoilt, we wanted to get extra pillow cases as well (for relatives to use when they are coming over) and we bought some oven stuffs too. I am planning to bake cupcakes during the weekend if dear is not working. Anyway weiwei is so excited over the cakes and he has been choosing over what should I bake for him. =.=

This morning he seems to has a little cough, hope it won't get worse or else he is going to miss school again (that's what he has been hoping!). Shall monitor him for today and decide later if he is able to go tomorrow.

Going to see baby this sunday but not sure if we can make it or not. Dear has been working on sunday for the past 2 weeks and if he need to work this sunday, most probably I will choose not to visit gynae too as I feel it will too rush to buy groceries; visit gynae; lunch and rushing to sg. I didn't want to come back late though dear can go for work later as the kids need to go school the next day. Let's see then..

Has been a busy weekend for me, now my legs are aching due to walking. Haha..

Seen baby on Saturday, he has been growing well. 651g on week24+4days. After that we went to Taka baby fair and bought a few items, doesn't seem to buy many stuffs but it cost us $16x. Let me think what did i buy.. Nipple cream, milk shield collector, breast pads, pacifier, 3 newborn toys (actually I only chose 2 and weiwei wanted to buy the ball for himself+didi, haha), a set of car window shields and a pair of newborn socks. Things are expensive nowadays, haiz.. But I really enjoy buying them and there are some other items I will need to get them by end of next month or 2. To prevent myself forgetting what to buy, I will need to write a list down. And dear has been taking his time to think of a name for baby, he has been lazy plus busy. Hope June will be here soon! ^^

DIY a beansprout bolster for baby, hope baby likes it since my sewing is not as good as the professional, hehe. Took me quite some time to finish it as i was trying to estimate the amount of beansprout to put in. 

Weiwei is still crying in school, i really hope he can get used to it soon. Heartpain to see him cry so badly everyday and the kelian look. I am trying hard not to be soft-hearted and stop letting him go school. Haiz..

There will never be forever happiness or love, they are here and gone before you know it. Perhaps it's a blessing to know it earlier than later. I hope the heart will stop crying and bleeding, it hurts..

Hormones acting up again, feel like crying for no reason again. I need more love, care and attention than ever. Please treat me like an infant and shower me with all the love you can, i need lots of it. :(




Sent from Samsung tablet

Suddenly i am afraid of giving birth, i feel like running away. I even want to pretend baby isnt here, i think i must be crazy now.



Sent from Samsung tablet

I have been sleeping very little for the past 3 days. Though my eyes are closed but i know i was awake. I am not sure why but i have been feeling very depressed for the past few days, it's like unloved/unwanted. The feeling is awful and i hardly able to cope it. Yesterday i couldn't take it and cried several times, trying to relieve the unhappiness inside me. I hate the feeling, i think it must be the hormones changing. I hope my old self will be back soon. :(




Sent from Samsung tablet

I never expected it is that difficult to get my boy to school. This morning he woke up early and i thought we are able to go out early but i was wrong. When he saw his uniform that i intend to change for him, he threw the top onto the floor and lie on the sofa refusing to get up. I tried to take off his pyjames and he was pulling it back, saying no at the same time. After coaxing him for 30mins, nothing is done and i gave up as i didn't want to force him. I know clearly if i had force him to go school, he won't like school again. I hope he will want to go tomorrow.

Dear had gone to KL today and he will only be back until next tues. I am starting to miss him already, sigh. He went to work just now, not sure what time will he be going back to the hotel. I don't think i am able to stay up too late to wait for his msn.

I am so bored at home, i hope to be able to bring weiwei to school soon so my time will pass faster. Jia you baby!