The discussion of home design (Part 1)

The story continue..

We started to look for ID as long as the seller signed OTP, actually we didn't really go around to look for it. My sister is working as an interior designer so I got her to do it for me. Well, she can't be doing a bad job for her family member right? Haha

We discussed it long before I got my keys, to be exact, even before I went for first appointment. We know we won't have time to do that if we wait until we got the keys. We are really glad that sellers don't need extension and in fact, they were willing to agree a 6 weeks wait for second appointment instead of 8 weeks. Later I heard it from their agents that they had moved out just before the big day so it was very rushed for them too. Really appreciate their kindness! Although they weren't willing to help us to apply permit to start renovation a day after second appointment, I wasn't angry with them because we managed to get the keys earlier than we had expected so even I had to apply the permit myself, the works can be started earlier than we planned.

It was a tiring process to decide what we want to do for our home. Initially wanted to do quite a number of build in furniture, even created a mood board for it. But decided to do without them because they cost us more than 13k for these. In the end I used that money to buy ready made furniture for the whole house and it cost less than that!

Anyway I wasn't too upset about it since I never did any built in for my previous house too so doesn't really affect me and I also not sure if it will look as nice as I imagined or will it last since I have 5 kids and the youngest is only 2. I seriously don't want to spend so much on it and end up getting destroyed by them.

Kitchen will be in another post, I will write it when time allows me to do so.

A bookshelf with settee. Really love this because I have lots of books and this will not occupy space. But a similar design cost me more than 5k!

A settee beside the half length shoes cabinet. Look too cramped in the drawing so decide to forgo it as well.

My master bedroom. This was something I wanted to do but not exactly to what I want because I had to do it in L shaped (the wardrobe) instead. I didn't really like that because of the corner that will be difficult to access. The wardrobe with the dressing table cost me near to 4.5k. 

YaYa

My life for the past year

It has been 2 years since I visited my blog, I had totally forgotten about my blog. I even forgotten how to access the main setting at one point that I had to google for it, haha!

I have been busy, moved back to Singapore June last year because of hubby's work and we sold our home in JB. It was heartbreaking to do that because both of us love the home (that's why we bought it isn't it?) and it contain many memories of us (including the kids too!). 

After we moved here, I got him to apply for PR under family ties. I heard it was easier than using employment pass to apply for it. Anyway he has 3 sons who are Singapore Citizens already so for him to get PR, it should not be difficult. Took us 6 months to get the result and as expected, the application was approved (thank God!). By then, it was already February and it was really rush for us as our lease contract is ending in September so we had to prepare to find a flat as soon as possible. But we had to wait until he has the blue NRIC on hand before we can proceed to apply for HDB loan and even to view any flat. That push back till April!

We are really lucky, we found our dream flat on the first day of viewing and it was the first unit we viewed. Decided to get this unit after a few days of consideration. I knew that I will be looking for similar layout since it was what I want so don't see a point to look somewhere else. What if it doesn't look as good as this unit, what if? I don't want to take the risk to wait and miss the opportunity to take it, I will be staying there as long as I can. What I like was it was on high floor (only 2 units below the top unit), the flat is big enough to accommodate the big family of us and lastly I love the floor plan. Only thing was it was a corridor unit but on the hand, because of the windows, the flat look bright which I love. Anyway the flat faced North and sun doesn't shine in on both morning and night which I was really glad. It was really warm in the night last time in JB, we had to on aircon quite frequently. 

Viewed other units at Sembawang, most of them are not to my liking. Kitchen is too narrow, living room was humongous, weird design. Bedrooms are small other than master bedroom so it's not easy to put 5 kids in 2 rooms. We viewed all 5 room flats in Sembawang so that's the biggest size already! Only 1 layout I am quite keen but the kitchen and 2 rooms faced west and it's on the fifth floor. Though it's a corner unit, the path along the corridor is narrow and not easy to walk pass. I cannot imagine walking through it daily for many years down the road.

Will be jotting down the process of finding an ID and renovation another day, I'm tired! Haha..

Poor little Bennett has so many obstacles to go through.. When we thought he's done, another obstacle just pop up and get in his recovery road. He's back to nicu, got infection (still not sure where is the infection, awaiting for lab report but I read his diagnosis yesterday when I visited him, it's suspected sepsis), he literally fainted thrice in 2 days so he's back to using pure oxygen breathing aid that pump oxygen into him instead of him breathing on his own. Also he got himself 2 blood transfusions and hoping he won't need the third. I found out he needed surgery soon (after his infection is treated) to get his hernia off him. My heart feel so pain for him, his tiny little body has to endure so much pain and I know he is fighting so hard to live on, I wish I was the one who is suffering instead of him. My heart ache seeing the poke scars left on his hands, arms and feet, there were more than 10 of them. I'm not sure how many of them as I couldn't bear to count them one by one. Sometimes I caught myself thinking did I really make the right decision, am I the one causing all the suffering.. I hope, I really hope he can overcomes all the obstacles and go home with us soon. I am missing him so much..

My dear little Bennett, please remember to breathe always, it's a must to do that 24/7. I know you are not feeling well, I know you have lungs infection and you are anemia. But do not repeat what you did yesterday, stopped breathing and you don't even want to cry in the step down unit until you were moved back to nicu. Do you know this will terrified me, I'm really afraid to lose you. I can't imagine the life without you, I am so looking forward to the day you come home, the day I cam carry you for the whole day. Please continue fighting for yourself and for us, we love you darling.

Bennett finally start feeding, it mean he's getting a step closer to go home. Though he's drinking very little now (1ml every 6 hourly) but it's a big progress for us. He had a blood transfusion yesterday because he's anaemia, I really hope it's nothing serious. He has gone through a lot and feel so heart pain seeing his current condition. But he's getting better each day, he moved to step down unit 2 days ago. 

I ordered some preemie size clothings for him and now looking forward to receive them, getting him dress when he's discharge. I miss him so much.. 

I was so trilled when my baby arrived last wednesday, i had contraction and "show" that morning. As baby is in breech, I was scheduled to have c-section first thing in the morning at 8am. Happiness didn't last long.. On Sunday, hubby noticed his tummy is bloated and he mentioned to the doc when he met him in the evening. That night, we received a call from hospital at 10 plus asking hubby to go down. Immediately I know something is not right, I was worried and couldn't sleep. The doctor did a x-ray for my boy and found out the air is outside his intestine so he suspected there might be a tear somewhere. Hubby went back to hospital again at 6am and shortly after, he told me that baby needed operation. I was so shock, I didn't know what happened and I couldn't stop crying as I feared that I might lose him. I went down to the hospital straight, talked with hubby and doctor and finally we decided to let him go ahead with the operation. It took 2 hours and a hole was found in his small intestine, surgeon mended the hole but left the wound open for monitoring because there are some areas infected and yes, my baby boy has NEC. 

After reading online about NEC, it worries me a lot. Will my boy get well or will it take him away from us? I live in fear daily, worrying hospital will call and worrying how is my boy coping. Today is his 5th day after op, I can only live day by day, hoping everything will turn well. He hasn't start on feeding yet, not sure when he will be starting on it but I'm willing to take a step at a time as long as he's well. 

I have no one to talk to except here, I didn't want to add on trouble to anyone. I keep thinking did I make the wrong decision, did I bring so much trouble to everyone, did I.. There are so many questions questioning myself that I do not know how to answer them..

Baby comes to the world on Wednesday, two n half months earlier than expected. I had an infection on Tuesday, that's what I guess because I developed fever out of sudden and later in the night contraction set in followed by "show". He is very tiny, less than 1.5kg. I could only hear 4 soft cries in the operating theatre and he has been staying in nicu since then. As expected, his lungs are affected, he can hardly breathe on his own. After a couple of days, I was told there's minor bleeding in his brain, his heart is weak etc.. Did I cause him to suffer? Perhaps, maybe, most probably I did..

Why wasn't I am the one who is suffering?  Why I create so much trouble for everyone?  Why didn't I get to die at that time so all these will not happen at all. I wish I was the one who died then, I really don't mind at all.. I was wrong in the first place..

It has been quite awhile since I update about baby, well I was busy with the family. Baby is growing well, measure 1260 grams on 29 week. Gynae pushed my EDD a week earlier so now my estimated EDD is 31st May 2014. Time passes really fast, I'm going to see baby in a couple of months' time. 

Oh yea, I am still leaking as usual and need to change about 4 pads per day and I used normal pad nowadays because there are times where it leak quite a lot. Of course I bought more panties to change daily. 

I'm so excited that we are going to buy some baby items next month because there are some items spoilt like newborn dimple pillow and also checking with gynae on the next visit if I will be going for natural delivery or c-section. Need to get all the items by next month too.. :D

Started on antibiotics few days ago because I was tested to have infection and weirdly that my amniotic fluid had been turning from pale yellow to almost transparent now. I wonder if it will help to reseal back the rupture area, hmm.. Well, I am leaking more frequently now, from once a day to few times per day. I'm guessing it might because baby has grow bigger so urine more, baby gets better so he can urine more? I'm not sure but at least I feel at ease that he's passing urine even though I have to change my pads more frequently.

Really has to thanks my cousin who is helping me to buy everything I needed after delivery as she knows I can't go out. She even offered to send it all the way to my house so I do not need to send my dear to pick it up from her. Glad to have her as my cousin, my sister. ^_^

I was quite depressed for the past few days because amniotic fluid hasn't increased since 2 weeks plus ago and well, the way gynae said it's like we will be waiting for my baby to die. Which mum-to-be wants to do that?! At least I don't and really hope that miracle will happen on our baby. 

To keep my mind occupy, I start looking names for baby. As we are not very sure the gender, I will have to look for both baby girl and boy names. Unlike the past, this time I'm trying to find a name with meaning and wish it will be the same as baby. 

My target is at least drag to 32 weeks and I still have 9 more weeks to go. Of course, the longer I can keep baby in, the better it will be (I guess).

Time passes real fast, it has been 2 weeks since I first heard my baby's condition and tomorrow I will be going back for review. No, termination of the pregnancy will not be an option for me. There is no way I can make such cruel decision, I have no right to determine to let baby to stay alive or die. Baby will make his/her own decision, I will stay by his/her side whatever he/she think it's best for his/her own.
Finally confirmed by myself that my water bag is leaking, I found out last night when I was lying on sofa. I concentrated hard and can feel where I was leaking from and further confirm it when I'm sitting on the toilet bowl. Also this time round, I managed to smell it. Now I know what's going on, I will check with the docs what can be done now. Baby, be strong..

Went to Dr. Ng the next day after we visited NUH, he read the report and said it's not looking good but anyway he asked us to go back 2 weeks later for review. After hearing what he said, I went to Dr. Ding on Sunday partly to ask for second opinion and wanted to know how's baby after I found out stomach bubble not seen is not a good sign. I requested a scan and Dr. Ding did, he seemed to understand my worries and concern so I felt him more patient and not as rush as he used to during our normal visit. He took time to scan and find baby's organs, saw both kidneys and bladder with urine. At first he couldn't see his stomach bubble but found it after a few tries, he also scanned his heart and look normal. Baby look normal from the scanning so we are not sure why there is little amniotic fluid left. As long as baby is fighting, I'm not going to give up as well. I will fight with him till the end, we will definitely win this battle. Jia you baby!

Got my appt date fixed on the very next day I heard the news, called hubby to come home immediately. Went out in a rush and while on our way to NUH, I peeked at the referral letter since it's not sealed. For the first time, I realised how serious my condition was. It was written as 'severe oligohydramnios' which mean very low in amniotic fluid. My mind ran wild during that moment, what cause that/what happen/what i did wrongly for the past month? I have been praying to let everything to goes smoothly and let baby stay with me, I can't and not willing to give up my baby.

Waited hours at Fetal Care Centre only to realise the nurses there made a mistake, they thought I walk-in instead so my file was put at the very last place. When hubby told one of them we actually came here with an appt then they quickly moved us up. I wasn't angry or upset about that (I would make a fuss about it on a normal day), I don't mind waiting because of that mistake as long as I get to do the scan. I just want an answer, I just want to know the reason.

Finally my turn, went in and saw a 'sonographer and a professor in the room. Scanning wasn't easy because there is not much fluid in it and baby curled up, making it harder. Managed to see his kidneys and bladder (good news I guess), at 1 point was informed baby has a little lack of oxygen and slow heartbeat (I wonder could it due to my sleepless night and lack of appetite since the night before). Well to me at least baby has kidneys and bladder, the rest look quite normal but stomach bubble not seen. I will have to go back for review again on 3 February 2014, 2 long weeks is a real torture!

I had decided to jot down my pregnancy details this time because I do not wish to forget about it and I hope it will help other fellow mummies-to-be who might be in the same situation as me since I couldn't find similar case locally (Singapore) when I google.

On 19 January 2014, I went for my monthly checkup and it changed my life after this visit. Dr. Ding took longer than usual to scan, usually it will just take awhile to take measurement and he mentioned there's some amniotic fluid left, lucky is not empty. He wanted me to go NUH for a FA scan as well. At that point, I can't understand the situation and all I got was full of question marks because I remembered just last month I was informed that there is no detailed scanning done in Malaysia, if there's any problem I will be referred to Singapore. I kept thinking what's going on, what's happening because I could see my baby's heartbeat and movements.

I left the hospital confused, I told my hubby let's see Dr. Ng to get second opinion. All along I have been visiting 2 gynaes so that I could see baby more frequently so without a word we went over right away. During the scan, Dr. Ng agreed on what Dr. Ding had told us. There's only little amniotic fluid left compared to the last scan he did for me. This time hubby asked him what could the reason(s) this happened and the following answer was not what I were prepared to hear. "There are a few reasons causing this.. It might be fetal problem, placenta problem etc." i didn't manage to hear the rest because I heard termination if it's fetal problem. Dr. Ng was very kind to help us make an appt the next day as he had to make an appt for another patient. 

I went home with a heavy heart, google for information and found out if it's fetal problem like no kidneys/bladder, baby will have 0% surviving rate on outside. And at 20 weeks pregnant only, it might affect baby's lungs development as well. Read up a lot but nothing calm me down partly I won't know what's wrong until I go for FA scan. As expected, I had a sleepless night that day.

It has been such a long time since I wrote here. Have been really busy with the kids and the new addition, lele. Time passes real fast, another 2 weeks' time he will be 9 month old. It's like he's only arrive in our family yesterday.

I am so blessed to have dear with me. He always around to help and he is always there to let me vent my frustration on, hehe. I will try not to be so hot tempered and be nicer to him from now on.

Have not been active here for quite some time, been busy with baby. Time passes so fast, baby Lele is almost 6 months plus already and 2013 is here!

Registered Enen to piano lesson, she requested to go for it and I could see she is very interested in it. Well, next time she can teach Weiwei and Lele also. Hahahaha! Can save some money with 1 learning in class while the rest can learn from jiejie.

Dear is behaving like a kid nowadays, he bought comics secretly. -_- Don't know should laugh or cry, haha. But I don't mind for that since he spends all his time at home, accompanying the kids. Just take it as his new hobby. Because of this hobby, we bought a new cupboard to put his comics. 

Lele seems to start to learn how to crawl, can see him trying to put himself in the crawling position but can't move. So funny to see that, hehe.. It will be very busy for me once he master how to do that, pulling everything then! Going to tidy up the house this weekend, to prevent him from putting them into his mouth. :p

Few days ago I heard a bad news, it's from one of the mummies whom I am quite close to when I was having weiwei in forum. Her daughter is diagnosed with leukaemia and has admitted to KKH. She is like a few weeks younger than weiwei and my heart just feel so pain thinking the ordeal she will need to go through at such young age. I guess everyone will feel the heartache, especially those with kid. Other than praying for her, I do not know what else I can do for her. Jia you Shermaine!!!

Started my cloth diaper on Lele yesterday, wasn't very successful as it leak twice. I think I will need to shorten the time on changing or need to use long insert instead of the short type. I expected some hiccups along the way since it's the first experience for me and Lele so it will need some time before both of us know how to cope with it. I hope the journey for CD will be smooth from now on!

Weiwei will be taking graduation photo today, supposed to wear shoes and socks. Teacher only informed me yesterday and we tried to look 1 for him. Combing the whole Jusco, we can't even get a shoes for him. All of them do not have stocks for his feet so end up we didn't buy any. Well, at least we tried our best but luck is not on our side so what to do. Hope he still look handsome with his croc shoes, hee..

Time passes really fast, Lele is already 9 weeks old. Poor boy has been getting flu for the 3rd time since birth and until now he hasn't fully recover. I hope he will get well soon. I have stopped my favourite milk+cereal meal for him, he has been vomiting almost every after feed, fart alot with poops and my hands can always feel gas in his tummy. PD recommended me to stop diary products as it cause gassy tummy, even online articles say the same thing. I change to drink soy milk daily and I can see him getting better each day. Other than crying badly before milk make him vomit, he get most of it inside him and he don't poop as much too. Since last evening, his diapers are free of poops (really surprised me and dear) till now. Now hoping his poop habit will be adjusts and more predictable. 

Weiwei stops crying when he goes school, he even smiles and wave goodbye to me nowadays. I knew he loves school, it's just that he can't let go of me. He has grown up quite alot and turning very mischievous as well, I have to keep reminding myself he is doing all these to get my attention since I have been neglecting him quite abit since Lele is here. I felt blessed and lucky that Weiwei loves Lele very much and willing to share me with his didi.

Yesterday was a tiring for us and Lele.. It's lele full month and we took the opportunity to gift relatives/friends a cake box as a thank you. We went out early, around 8am and only back 12hrs later. As usual, food from Sweetest Moment is as good as 3 years ago and it was the first time I self collect myself. Parking there is pathetic, lucky I don't need to go back there again.

Dear and I decided not to bring Lele out for such a long time again as he was crying on and off since 3 plus till we got home so we believe he's not used to the outside. Really heartpain to see him cry like this, even carrying doesn't help too. We shall only bring him to nearby places like Jusco, supermarket. Those require hours of driving/travelling shall wait till he get older, I dont mind anyway. =)