14 MAY 2008 <<< Looking forward to this day.

Finally I am going zakum for the first time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After day-dream for duno how many times.
It was a private zakum ok? Mean I do not need to fight, stand aside to wait zakum die and walk over to pick my helmet. Wahahaha... I can't wait for that day to arrive.
I got this special zakum slot is because of my kindness. I created a help cass players to collect quest items and one of the high level helper decided to help us to get helmet as a appreciation. I was really very touched and surprise, I had never expected that my little small gesture would bring me reward.

Wanted to bring my beginner to zakum at first but was told that I was supposed to add hp right from the start so she is out for now. Wanted to bring my bandit to zakum but on second thought, she seems useless in there. I am torn between my priest and bandit, who should I bring over? Advise please..

Today I didn bring lunch to work, throat still uncomfortable and don't have appetite to eat anything. Been coughing badly nowadays, so sad.. Anyone has any ways to help reduce my cough? T.T

Wednesday le and I have not started on my QS when my exams is on Sat. Think I really need to take a day leave on friday to study. But I couldn't get my motivation to study.. Haiz.. God bless me..

YaYa

As i promised, our new logo for guild is here! Nice mah? Hehe..

Throat still don't feel well.. T.T
Nope, is not sore throat but just don't feel good whenever I swallow. Always wanted to put strepsil by my side but as usual, forgotten about it. :/

Thinking of not taking leave this friday to study, seems that I have taken too many leaves this year. Wanted to leave some maybe at the end of the year and have a good rest. I wonder if I can study during work or not. Haiz...

Joel sick again, dear went to fetch him home from school. See lar, last night already told you not to let Joel go school and his fever is coming. Don't believe me, now u got to fetch him yourself. Is your decision, your responsibility. =P

Hmm... Last night we make another new guild again. This time it has a cute name, ShortCakeS (with a strawberry logo!). Kaya and loti helped to sponsor for the guild, a million each from them. Still have yet to think of the ranking names yet, all of us were tired after making guild. It was near to 12 midnight le u know? Will try to upload a pic of the guild name with logo after I get home from work. =D Kopi, MUST sponsor $$$ for guild de hor. Is expensive to expand ar, must help abit.

YaYa

Been on mc for 2 days and finally got back to work today. Was so bored doing nothing at home other than maple. Not that it's not fun to maple, just that is boring to have no one to talk to.

Went to Tiong Bahru Plaza yesterday to buy BK home, was crazing for mushroom swiss for weeks. I took a bus there, was lazy to walk there as it was a hot afternoon. The bus was packed with people so was waiting to alight but there was a boy who alighting the same bus stop with me seemed to be of no patient to wait and kept asking me to move aside to let him alight. Annoying that he couldn't even wait for the bus to open the door and there is no place to move anyway, I replied him back that I am alighting at this bus stop too.  Geez...  I wonder what they learn in school nowadays, can't they even wait awhile. I was even on phone telling my friend that I had reached my stop and alighting now. Guess that boy was deaf as well/ =p

My beginner char had leeched my bandit till she is level 41 now. Haha... She will soon overtake liu lian's warrior char who is only level 42.

Zec asked me few days ago how would I react if he were to present me with a ring (in maple of course). Well, I didn't think much saying that might have to depend if my char is married by then since he will only be back to maple on aug. I guess liu lian won't or to be exact can't mind if I were to marry some other guy in maple. He can't expect me to wait him indefinitely right?

Got to go back to work, looking forward to go home in less than hour time. Kelian de dear at home, sick and frustrated with his manager. =(

Don't be angry dear, I will come home to accompany you as much as possible. Do cheer up, I want to see your big smile when I get home. =D

YaYa

Don't be surprise when you log into maple, because I had disband the guild. Really don't see the point of holding onto it when I am usually the only person who is online. Kinda of sad and disappointed but whatever... Only meso lost and nothing else... Take note that I had delete all my buddy list since I no longer know who is still playing and who is not.

A Truth

Nowadays my life is getting so much easier. My son now started to insist on him fetching the sister home after school. Haha... Enen has tuition every Monday and Thursday so I got to fetch her after 6.30pm but I reach home daily around 6pm leh. So since Ah B wanted to fetch her, I let him be. I agree that Ah B is very independent, he doesn't need much supporting. Once you teaches him once or twice, he would do it himself.

I maple last night, for passing time since dear was working OT (he came back quite late, ard 11pm). Was almost going to log out and jie came online. Was kinda of surprise as she hardly or perhaps never came to Cass. She told me to add her dar into guild and suddenly she threw a bomb to me; she is getting separation and divorce while the dar I added is her real life bf. OMG... I really had never expected that they will be divorcing since they had known each other for so long. If I didn rmb wrongly, they had been together for almost 10 years. I had no idea what happen between them, jie don't talk much about it and I know she doesn't like people to probe into her relationship. Mei, don't tell anyone in our family hor. Jie wants to tell them herself ar, later she kill me. -.-ll

Asked a bit of her bf though. His name is Jeff, a malaysian too. He is 22 years old this year (so young lor). I am kinda of concern about their relationship not that they are having a big age gap. It was later in the chatting, I realise jie hides many things about her life and family. Firstly, the bf doesn't know jie's real age (he tout she is 28 lo), he doesn't know she is married wif a child and getting divorce in few years time. I am not sure how much facts jie hides from him and how Jeff going to react when he know the truth. I guess he will definitely be angry and upset...

I always think that one has to be truthful or else you have to giving a lie to cover up the original lie you had said. Malaysians are more conservative, they will need some time to accept one who is divorced or with kid(s). Dear's parents took almost a year to start to accept me and the kids. At least dear knew my background right from the start so he has accept me even before we are together. However, for jie's case, is like lying lo. I mean if he doesn't accept you as who you are, this kind of person doesn't deserve your love at all. I truly hope that jie will find her own happiness.. Jie, I really advice you to let him know the truth. The longer you keep it from him, the angrier he will be.

YaYa

Blur Me :/

Finally I got back all my projects results. =D Guess how did I fare? I am happy with the result, my effort had paid off. *Dancing around*

My QS trainer sent an email to us on Sunday night, informing us to do the past year qns before coming to class but it was a last minute decision and I was kinda of lazy too. I dragged it till around 9pm before I was forced by dear to finish them. *Don't like you le, bad dear* Took me about 2 hours to finish them and meanwhile, I keep complaining I was tired and wanted to sleep. Haha.. Who like to do homework?

Anyway, lucky I went to search my paper or else I wouldn't know that I actually remember the wrong date for exam. Not actually wrong date, is wrong subject. I thought QS exam is on the 12th but actually it was on the 5th. I know I blur lar! At least I realise it before it was too late right? Haiz... Got to study next week then. Must understand and memorise formulas, meaning etc.

I started to hate my English in class, need to do summary and essay. Urghhh... I hate summary, don't know how to do that. *Sob sob* Never mind, shall go and get some help around. Hehe...

Today not very busy at work, supervisor went for meeting so I am able to use the pc with internet. Haha.. I always forget to update my blog when I get home, too many things to do. =D

Must remember to bring my medical result to work tomorrow, have to pass it to my HR. Dear, remind me to keep in my bag tonight ar.. (as if he read my blog)

YaYa

Went supermarket just now as usual. When we were done, enen wanted to push the trolley so we let her be. Actually the trolley is much heavier than her, we have 2 2 litres milk, 5kg rice, vegetables, etc. inside. She was making alot of noise when she was pushing it so dear decided to make a video of her. Guess what happen? Go watch it and you will find out. ^^

YaYa

Aiyo... Don't know why keep raining de, aren't we supposed to be having hot month now? I think mother earth is angry with us le, changing our climate. Today I heard from news that by 2020, HongKong will no longer have winter liao. Haiz... Maybe in future all countries change their climates. -.-ll

Very busy at work today, supervisor on urgent leave. Actually hor, I got nothing to do even he is around, just that I had to print Portfolio and took a long time printing. The stupid printer keep jammed my papers, make me sat there and wait till every piece is done.

Dear Dear been busy for this past 2 weeks, no time for me. T.T
He is rushing project(s), so has to stay back quite late. No choice lor, work comes first. At least he can save more money in our account. ^^

Why my maple cards haven't mail to me yet? Should be arriving le, don't know what take the sellers so long. I am actually thinking if they are going to scam me or not. F5
Never mind, I wait till next week bah.

Just now I was happily walking home with enen, thinking I can finally come home and rest after working for the whole day. To my horror, I realise I forgot to bring my keys out lor! I blur lar, didn't remember I put in my school bag. Then I got no choice, call dear dear and he rush home and pass me his set. Dear dear, u r the best le. Muacks..

Got to watch bleach liao... Oh yah, yesterday I got the result for my ES project, got an A. Muhahahaha... I am clever de. =D

YaYa

Didn't come here very long time ler, busy with my studies mah. Next month exams liao, don't know if I can remember all the formulas or not. Haiz...

My area doing major upgrading and it will end only next year 3rd quarter. I kinda of hate upgrading coz it will bring in so many dust and must take leave to let them come into my flat to do. Sian lo, now all my leave struck with the upgrades. Wondering if I can choose not to participate or not. Haha...

Time really passes really fast, I worked at my current company for 5 months le. Excuse me, it might be short for you but that is the longest period I ever work for. Seriously, I hope that I could work till I have graduate and find new job. Intending to get a job in government sector and go home on time. Haha...

Yesterday I quarrelled with my ex. He is such a liar and idiot, as usual. Last week he told me that he just changed job and his old company had not pay him yet. He claimed that he will only receive it on the 7th. Then I also anything lo, let him transfer on the 7th since I save up all my maintenance $ in my savings. Then yesterday I check my account and as expected, $ not in yet so I sms him. Now he claimed that his company say mail him cheque and ask me to wait again. This time I angry and told him straight that I won't wait lo, I go family court on sat and let them chase for me. Last time he also say changed job and make me chase for it for few months. That time easier since he need me to sign papers to sell flat but I also tired of chasing. Then he complain I don't allow him to visit the kids, of course I shoot him back. Told him last year I am only free on sat afternoon so visiting will only be then and must let me know in advance that he want visit so I don't plan anything ma. He expect me to stay@home every sat to wait if he want visit or not. Dream on lo, that won't happen. I even said if you really want to see the kids, take the initiative to call me, not expecting me to call u. Next thing he complain is I don't allow him to bring the kids out. Who dare to do that, and hor, I got PPO against him de. I told him, go ask the lawyer if he can do so or not. Meeting kids is my limit, don't expect me to allow them to go out with you lo. Guess what? When I said I going family court on sat, he immediately has $ to xfer me. It show that he is trying not to pay me.

Now I am trying to save as much as I can, I want to move to malaysia asap. Haha... By then, he won't be able to disturb me le. Freedom, here I come~

YaYa

So tired... Yesterday went to my company D&D after being persuaded by a few of colleagues... It's a good experience but I don;t think I will be going again the next time. It was very tiring and food don't taste nice. T_T It was held at St Regis hotel, one of the 5 star hotel in Singapore but just opened around 2 months or so. The main reason my company chosen that place is because it was built by us. >.< Took a few photos of the food and surrounding but group photo is in my colleague's digital camera, might get from her next week bah. But forgotten to take picture of the dessert, was laughing at one of the games there. Food and surrounding look pretty, even the toilet too. Haha... The games were so dragging, occupy most of the time. Haiz... Only 1 of the games was entertaining, the rest I dun even bother to look at it. The finding Mr RSP/SM was just a coverup, they actually got those guys to toilet to change into singlet while the real motive was being told to us. They wanted us to find the guy who has the hairest armpit. Couldn't stop laughing when they were being asked to make pose in order to let us see and they had no idea wad is going on. The dinner took very long to end, I left before it was officially end coz I am too tired. I guess it ended around 12.30am or even later since I left around 11.40pm, was afraid that I couldnt get the last bus home. I dun want to waste $ on cab since the taxi fare was up. Don;t have the mood to do my project, still feeling sleepy now. Might be doing later or perhaps next week, brain dead...
Upload some photos for you to see, dun see i lazy ar.

YaYa

Just started my course recently. Class is very quiet, hardly you hear anyone talk there and the lecturer wanted us to do project as a group of 4 or 5. =.=
Don't have much confidence since I do not know anyone there and not sure if I can mix around well with them or not.

Ah b had transfer to a new school few days ago. I didn  bother to find a school for him, it was his previous school did on my behalf. He was abt an hr late for school on Mon, I even thought he got lost or something happened to him. He told dear he was going out at 11.40am but the teacher sms me to inform me that ah b didn come to school at 1.10pm. I got worried, took a half day urgent leave, intending to search for him. Guess wad happen to him? In the end, he told me he was at home eating his lunch and only finishing the food, he went to school. OMG, he took 2 hrs to ate everything! Anyway on the same day, school inform me that they had found him a nearby school and willing to accept him so we got a immediate school transfer for him.

Though his previous school claimed that they did it for his safety but somehow I felt that they are trying to get rid of him due to his condition. Ah b has autism and couldn't get very well with classmates in school. He can't concentrate in class too, always day dream and do wadever he like (eg. drawings). I don't really blame them, it is difficult to take care of such student and he nid 1 to 1 attention when the teachers had to take care like 30-40 students each time?

Perhaps getting him into a new environment might do him good. Currently he is taking school bus, he doesnt nid to take public transport or walk to school so in a sense, it is much safer for him too. The only disadvantage is he nid to go down to wait for school bus in time since the bus dun wait for anyone who is late.

I have been mapling much lesser compared to the past, spending more time with my family instead. Bringing them to swimming every week, they are looking forward to it and are very eager to go as well. Kids will be kids, all of them just love playing water. I used to love to go to the swimming pool too when I was young. I still remember we need to walk quite a distance to the swimming pool as we dont live near to it.

I have learn to cherish what I have now and try to spend more time on stuffs I know they are important to me, I do not want to regret in future when I do not have a chance to do so. My friends, I hope everything go well for you as well. Take care!

YaYa

LaLaLaLa

Been busy ever since I started working, coz I nid to maple and work at the same time. Haha...

First job that I had stayed for 2 months, hopefully I can stay at this job till I am done. Going to study next week or so, starting on 7th Jan. Finally I can fulfill my job of studying, was hoping to go for a long time. I chose to study my accounting again, mostly is because of the good pay and easy to find job, secondly is I hope to be able to get employed till I retired. Now being a single parent, I have to think for myself and my kids. After going through my previous marriage, I realise that I cannot depend on anyone, especially men. I want to support myself financially, I do not want to depend on any men again. MEN CANNOT BE TRUST!

During my first day of work, there was another new girl came into the company with me. Felt kinda of happy with someone new like me and even came in the same day as me. However, she quitted the job less than 2 months after we started there. She couldn't tolerate the seniors there and the way of getting work done there. She face more obstacles than me since she was sitting right where all the ladies are while I am sitting alone in the library. Obviously I do not need to face any "black" faces or "I am more senior than you so you have to respect me" faces. Though I didn't talk much with her but still feel kinda of sad that she left so soon. I thought we could be good friends as time passes. Haiz..

Did anyone of you celebrate xmas this year? I didn't, was sick... So sad... Anyway I didn't manage to order my log cake in time too. Urghhh... But never mind, since I ate it a week before xmas. ^^ Anyway, Merry Xmas to my friends! Hope all of you had fun this year!!

YaYa

Hate the weather!!!

Had not been feeling well since last week. Weather kip changing every now and then. Sunny one moment and raining the next moment.

My ger got fever on friday, she was complaining more and showing discomfort early in the morning. Somehow I felt she is not feeling very well and decided to stay @ home with her. And I was right, she started to feel feverish an hour later. So I brought her to the polyclinic. Haiz... Waited for 2 hrs outside the consultation room before my turn. By the time she got to see the doc, her fever shot up to 39.8 degree. Lucky she got better the next day. =)

However, my turn to fall sick on sunday afternoon. Walk around the neighbourhood like a clown to find a clinic that is opened. And guess what?! The one and only clinic that open daily is just near my house and yet I walked to MRT to find it. Zzz...

Dear fall sick ytd, fever too. I wonder if fever do spread among family or not since every one of us get fever one after another. I know by common sense it don't and won't but after seeing the 3 of us falling sick, I started to doubt my own knowledge. =p

Today kinda of boring at work. There wasn't anything for me to do for the whole morning. I took my own sweet time to finish reading the newspaper and sat there staring at my pc. I actually started to day dream and falling asleep and almost had my head drop onto the desk. Haha~

Decided to go walk around during lunch time to ease my boredom. Met dear and went Isetan to get presents for enen and caiyong. Not sure if they like it or not (hope they do). Dear refuse to let me make the payment, he insist of paying for it. Zzz... He think he is very rich ar, everything also wan to snatch and pay.

I want to go maple le. Oh yah, I have deleted my Babywawa and create it at cass. Missed the ign and decided to bring her over.

Take care all my dear friends, hope you won't fall sick like me.

YaYa

Itchy Itchy Itchy!!!

This past week I had been biten by unknown insect. At first i thought there is mosquito in my house so I put those mosquito coil and adaptor at my room but duno why the situation didn get better but worse. Today I bought my Mopiko to work, I cannot stand the itch anymore. I only realise then it was from my office. Zzzzzzzz....

 

Something is biting me in office but not sure what was that, my supervisor will ask for insect spray tomorrow and spray in the office. Now I look so kelian, wif 7 bites on hands and legs. T.T

 

Hope things will get better tomorrow bah. *Sad*

 

YaYa

Tired Week

It has been a very long time since I last visit my blog. Was busy with house moving, settling down & finding a job.

 

Finally my flat was sold and lucky I got a rented flat just 5 days before my official date to hand my keys to the new owner. Didn manage to wait for the selection of flat letter to arrive, I got my flat in the walk-in selection. Though not really a place that I wanted, but I guess is still ok as long as I do not need to move so many times.

 

Found a childcare for enen and sad to say that I couldnt get a schoolbus for ah b so in the end I taught him to travel to and forth himself. I wanted to find a job, was getting very bored to stay at home doing nth but maple daily. Cant waste my life that way... And I wanted to save more money for the future, things are more and more expensive. I need to think of their education in future too.

 

Wanted to get a job but was lazy to go interviews. I just simply hate interviews, always asking me to describe myself. I hated such topic since I was in secondary school, I never chose such topic to answer anyway. And I dun really like to talk much in front of strangers, had been very quiet during the interview. Haiz... I really cant find anything to ask or talk wif them at all... Keep forcing me to ask them qns...

 

After that, been searching for job quite infrequently coz getting to be fussy. I wanted to get a job without doing OT, wanted a 5-days work and wanted a place near my house. Those that I feel far or inconvenient, I just skipped it. Wad's the point of going to interview when it dun even get to my expectation. I hope to get a job to work for a few years, at least till I finish my studies. Don't want to find another job in near future, don't have that feeling to do so.

 

Recently found a job in Orchard Rd, quite a big company and near my house too. ^^ That is a architect company, heard from the senior there that it was one of the biggest company in singapore. Started my work there since 1st nov, people there are pleasant and friendly too. At least I havent met nasty people yet and I hope I wont get the chance to meet one too.

 

I will be working alone at my desk starting on Mon as my senior is required to go up to assist the rest of the colleagues there. Haiz... Till now I still didn manage to remember most of them. Think I have a hard time finding the architect for quite some time...

 

Still mapling but not as much as in the past. Now I have stop playing my dit and concentrate on my priest, missed her so much. Tired... hope to write more frequent here.

 

YaYa

Things back to normal, at least by looking at the surface..

None of us mentioned about that incident anymore, perhaps is just too pain to say it out. Occasionally I will still throw temper and cried asking for breakup, I nid to be alone. Living alone somehow make me feel better, i duno why either.

Watched transformer yesterday, not a bad movie. Was kinda of surprise to see the place was almost full, i thought there wont b so mani people watching since it was up for quite some time. The graphics are awesome, though quite a numbers of friends including him find the last part quite confusing. They couldn figure out who is the bad & good guys, wahahaha~ I figure it out looking at the colour on them and I could recognise 1 or 2.

Was tired when get home after the show but I still managed to get myself to log into maple, had an appt wif my jr ldr. We are in charge for aug guild event, we nid to discuss the details. But he pop a qns to me which I couldn answer. He asked me to be his maple gf... He knew abt me in real life. Actually those who asked me in guild, I had honestly told them abt my background, dun feel the need to hide it. I just couldn figure it why he would asked me instead of the gers in guild. I had oni rejoin back this guild recently. Less than a wk... I had only met him few days ago. Haha... Maybe he had been rejected by all the gers in maple liao. I feel that wadever ans I gave him, it will make us feel uneasy in maple. Because he had already hint those active in guild.... What shld I do? =.=

Eyes pain, nid go rest liao. Hope I will feel better later.. T_T

YaYa

I'm been in daze for the past few days, I couldnt eat nor sleep. My tears couldnt stop flowing out from my eyes too. I didnt want to see anyone or talk to anyone, I had my hp switched off.

I have been dreaming of my baby for the past couple of days. Dreams can be so wonderful and sweet yet it really hurt one when you come back to reality.

I kip forcing myself to maple from morning till late night so that my heart wont feel anything. I always comfort my friends that time will heal everything, but will time heal me this time? I feel so guilty, I feel I'm the one who indirectly killed my own baby. I hated myself, I hated myself so much that I want to torture myself to death.

I no longer able to talk with him either. I just locked myself up, I don't want to be reminded of anything. I know I am being very unfair to him but I really unable to face anyone. I wanted a breakup, I do not want to get involved with anyone.

I hate life and being living on to suffer...

YaYa

Sad Sad Week

6th July 07 was one of my saddest day in my life. I was bleeding again that nite without a reason and tinking I had to wait for ultrascan till August, I decided to make a trip to A&E that nite. Perhaps I shouldn had gone at all, I regret going there... The doc on duty did a scan and found out that the baby did not hav any heartbeat, in another words, I hav a miscarriage. Asking me wad I wan to do is useless since the oni choice I hav is to hav an abortion. Unlike normal abortion, people oni do washing the baby out, I hav to actually give birth to it before I can do the washing as the baby is too big claimed by the doc.

I was admitted that very nite, I couldn sleep as I expected. Alot of things kip running thru my mind... I was tinking would things changed if I never made the decision to come to the hospital, would the baby still alive if I never gone there? I didnt want him to feel guilty or worried abt me, I didnt shred a tear in front of anyone.. I just pretend nth had happened but deep inside me, I really feel very terrible.

I kip telling myself perhaps it will be better if the baby never come to this world. I know very clearly that he didnt really wan this baby, I know he agreed just because I couldnt bear to abort it. I oso knew it very clearly that his family will never agree towards our relationship. But I never wanted everything, all i wan is safety for my baby. I didnt even hope to be with him in future, I even plan to give up on this relationship. Why must things ended this way? Am I asking too much? Am I too greedy? I dont know, I really hav no answer..

The baby came out ard 2 plus in the morning on 9th July 07, I dont hav the courage to take a last look at it. I even refused to take pain killer when the labour pain came earlier, perhaps I wan myself to face the fact. I kept bleeding profusely, the sanitary pad was soaked in blood every 15mins and overflood. I didn really care if I was going to die at that moment, I wished I did at some point. I came home that evening I had my operation, I didn wan to stay another nite there. I didn wan to be remind of the incident.

After coming home, I didn talk much with him abt the incident. I just pretend nth had happened. I am afraid I would cry in front of him, I didn want him to know it actually affected me badly.

I wish... I wish... I wish time would just roll back for once...

YaYa

Tired, tired, tired...

Just change my blog design, nice mah? I tink is cute... Like this song alot though is 10 years ago song, guess most of you might not even heard this song before. ;p

Has been sleeping very late for the past whole week, not because I was too engrossed in mapling but I was trying to get myself occupied to wait for him to get home. He's very busy for the whole, coming home ard midnight. Poor thing, he hasnt get enough sleep at all. T_T

Hate going out nowadays, I couldnt even go shopping for 5mins. Whenever I get to crowded places, I will start to get dizzy & feel nauseous. I nid to squat down like every min! So sian, must cope myself at home. At least now I am able to walk around the neighbourhood & take buses, is better than nth.

I wonder how much weight will I gain this mth, been eating supper almost daily & light snack in-between meals. Been trying hard to control myself, I am afraid to gain too much now in case I cant shred it off later on. Haha...

YaYa