Had an unpleasant day on CNY day 1, right now I'm in bad terms with the in-laws. Well, I had told hubby earlier in the afternoon that I will not be eating dinner that day and he didn't take it seriously, thinking I was joking. It was a yearly affair that his mum invite her adopted daughters (not really adopted officially but just calling each other mum and daughters) for dinner on CNY day 1, sometimes there will be others as well. I admit that I am someone who neither likes to entertain nor in a crowded environment so after sitting awhile outside, I went back to the room. For the whole time sitting outside, I had not speak a word with anyone and it happens every year. It wasn't the first time I went back to the room but usually I gave excuse that I had to coax the toddler to sleep, this time I didn't. When hubby walked in to ask me to eat my dinner, I refused and told him I wasn't hungry and asked him to get the rest to eat instead and do not need to hesitate in putting cabbage inside the steamboat. I do not like to trouble anyone and I do not like the idea of having to wait for me to eat first before they are able to eat what they want to. Anyway I was indeed wasn't hungry at all, I didn't eat lunch that day or dinner and yet I do not feel hungry. Beats me,I take it as an opportunity to slim down my fat tummy and thighs.
His mum got angry and unhappy that I hide in the room, not eating her dinner (I guess lunch as well). I guess she's more upset that I wasn't helping to take care of the kids so that her son can has his dinner. All I can say hubby is not smart enough, he could let me know so I will bring them in. I did that later on and I didn't let them go out to play, I let them watch cartoon in the room.
She was angry that she spent so much effort on cooking and I don't appreciate it, she thinks I am being picky for not wanting to eat steamboat. First, indeed I don't like steamboat but I never insist or want her to cook for me. I could jolly well go out and eat fast food or something else, I just do not like their way of steamboat. There's no sliced meat, no prawns, no fish balls but majority of ready made steamboat food bought in supermarket. Other than vegetables like cauliflower, broccoli and fish, the rest are opening the packets and throw them in. And I ate it like 3-4 meals of steamboat lunch/dinner before day 1 straight! I had reached my limit of trying to eat steamboat, my body doesn't even feel hungry looking at it so how I eat when I don't feel hunger?
Lots of thoughts in my mind, I didn't speak them out all because I feel it's pointless. I feel that even one smile and laugh on the outside, it doesn't mean one is not hurting somewhere in the inside. I see my in-laws more than I see my mum and yet I was told, we only see each other once a year so I should give in to my mil. I just do not want to do that, I'm tired of behaving as if I am walking on eggs. A forgotten greeting or a concern conversation make her unhappy and nag behind my back, perhaps is on purpose so that her son, my hubby will asked me about it to pacify her. I am a straight forward person, I don't like to put on a show and act. I show concern and care in my own way, I don't like to do in front of everyone. Perhaps they have forgotten that I grow up in a different environment, every family has a different way of teaching their own children. I am who I am, I will stand by my thinking and follow my heart. I want to be happy for once and be myself.
YaYa
