Poor little Bennett has so many obstacles to go through.. When we thought he's done, another obstacle just pop up and get in his recovery road. He's back to nicu, got infection (still not sure where is the infection, awaiting for lab report but I read his diagnosis yesterday when I visited him, it's suspected sepsis), he literally fainted thrice in 2 days so he's back to using pure oxygen breathing aid that pump oxygen into him instead of him breathing on his own. Also he got himself 2 blood transfusions and hoping he won't need the third. I found out he needed surgery soon (after his infection is treated) to get his hernia off him. My heart feel so pain for him, his tiny little body has to endure so much pain and I know he is fighting so hard to live on, I wish I was the one who is suffering instead of him. My heart ache seeing the poke scars left on his hands, arms and feet, there were more than 10 of them. I'm not sure how many of them as I couldn't bear to count them one by one. Sometimes I caught myself thinking did I really make the right decision, am I the one causing all the suffering.. I hope, I really hope he can overcomes all the obstacles and go home with us soon. I am missing him so much..

My dear little Bennett, please remember to breathe always, it's a must to do that 24/7. I know you are not feeling well, I know you have lungs infection and you are anemia. But do not repeat what you did yesterday, stopped breathing and you don't even want to cry in the step down unit until you were moved back to nicu. Do you know this will terrified me, I'm really afraid to lose you. I can't imagine the life without you, I am so looking forward to the day you come home, the day I cam carry you for the whole day. Please continue fighting for yourself and for us, we love you darling.

Bennett finally start feeding, it mean he's getting a step closer to go home. Though he's drinking very little now (1ml every 6 hourly) but it's a big progress for us. He had a blood transfusion yesterday because he's anaemia, I really hope it's nothing serious. He has gone through a lot and feel so heart pain seeing his current condition. But he's getting better each day, he moved to step down unit 2 days ago. 

I ordered some preemie size clothings for him and now looking forward to receive them, getting him dress when he's discharge. I miss him so much.. 

I was so trilled when my baby arrived last wednesday, i had contraction and "show" that morning. As baby is in breech, I was scheduled to have c-section first thing in the morning at 8am. Happiness didn't last long.. On Sunday, hubby noticed his tummy is bloated and he mentioned to the doc when he met him in the evening. That night, we received a call from hospital at 10 plus asking hubby to go down. Immediately I know something is not right, I was worried and couldn't sleep. The doctor did a x-ray for my boy and found out the air is outside his intestine so he suspected there might be a tear somewhere. Hubby went back to hospital again at 6am and shortly after, he told me that baby needed operation. I was so shock, I didn't know what happened and I couldn't stop crying as I feared that I might lose him. I went down to the hospital straight, talked with hubby and doctor and finally we decided to let him go ahead with the operation. It took 2 hours and a hole was found in his small intestine, surgeon mended the hole but left the wound open for monitoring because there are some areas infected and yes, my baby boy has NEC. 

After reading online about NEC, it worries me a lot. Will my boy get well or will it take him away from us? I live in fear daily, worrying hospital will call and worrying how is my boy coping. Today is his 5th day after op, I can only live day by day, hoping everything will turn well. He hasn't start on feeding yet, not sure when he will be starting on it but I'm willing to take a step at a time as long as he's well.